Another Freakout for no apparent reason…

     Ok, so here I go again…chances are really good that Rob is just working late…part of his job is that his schedule is unpredictable…but yet I have the shakes and I’m all in a knot, barely able to function because I think there could be another reason he’s not home…

I need help for this, it’s bloody ridiculous! I do’nt want to be a clingy retard, and I’m trying as hard as I can to back away from him so that I don’t fall into this crazy behaviour pattern…hence the telling him that I’m not sure if I really love him yet, avoiding spending too much time together, etc.

But now I’m worried because I allowed myself to make my first crazy chick move…I called him back last night after we had just hung up, asked him to tell me what we were going to do tomorrow (because of all the things we discussed we didn’t mention that) and then asked him to reassure me that our relationship was ok. I felt like a moron before, during and after I did it…but I did it anyways. So now I’m worried that he’s freaking out and isn’t actually working late but is out having a beer with the guys…so I’m going to be worrying about this until he calls…I mean, he did say that he was going to hang out here after work…

And we didn’t have the happiest of conversations last night. He doesnt’ want to talk about moving west with me because he said it freaks him out. I think he sees it differently then I do. I think that in his head, he sees "moving west = marriage". I really wish I could calm myself down fuck!!

     When I’m really emotionally distraught, I shake and get sweaty armpits lol…that’s what I have right now. EVen tho it’s a little chilly in here, I know that’s not what i"m shaking from…and depending on the level of stress, my shaking will be worse…and sweating too lol

I just can’t stop feeling like a moron…and I’m going to update this when he either does or doesn’t call. But holy crap, I need help