advice from those who know the whole Ryan story…

     Wow. Don’t know where to begin. SOOO glad I didn’t get drunk tonight.

     I knew Ryan was staying this weekend to drink with his roomates, so I made an extra effort to follow through on my no drinking thing. I was glad for more than one reason. Eric fell and hurt his head really bad, definately a concussion. He said he wouldn’t go to the hospital though, but at least I got him to stay at rez and not go to the bar. He fell backwards and smashed his head on the wall in the staircase. His eyes were open, but he didn’t respond to anything I said to him. Not even when I touched his head or anything. It really freaked me out. I thought he was on something other than just having alcohol, but he was like a stunned bird. Anyways, I spent most of my night making sure he was ok. I finally decided that he was ok at around 2 or 3am, and made my way back to my building.

     The second I got in the door, Gill and Skullet (yes, skullet came to visit) were ranting about how much of a dick Ryan was! Gill said she had something to tell me and it was really important. She pulled me into her room and told me that Ryan had come into our suite with 2 beers looking for me. Apparently he wanted to apologize! I was like, what?
     Then she told me that he was all over her and kept telling her to take off her clothes and how he wanted to have sex with her or something. She said that she had told him that he was a complete dick and told him to fuck off. She went over and told him for me that I was back, then he messaged me on msn, apologized, and I said, "you’re not going to say that in person either?" He asked me if it was alright if he came over and I said yes. He brought the two beers again, and offered me one…I don’t know. I was so shocked.
     He apologized for what he did to me. I forgave him and gave him a hug…well, that was after quite a bit of a talk mind you.

     I’m trying to make this semi-short, but we ended up talking until 5:30 am. He apologized for everything, and then we somehow got onto the topic of what had happened between us. I admitted that I had come up with a hundred theories about what happened. I was going to continue with what a few of them were, and he interuppted me. He said, "do you know why?"
     I said, "no. I really don’t. why?"
     He said, "I got scared. I really liked you a lot."
     I said, "WHAT?" LONG pause. "You said that you stopped liking me."
     he said, "no. I was just really scared. I have never been that close to anyone like that before and I dind’t know what to do."

    Holy f4cking sh!t. I can’t even believe this just happened. He admitted that he was just scared and he wants to try to be friends with me. He also went on to say (and continuously throughout any moment when we talked about it) that he was a complete dick and he wouldn’t be surprised if I turned him down or bottled him, or kicked him in the balls or something.
     Finally all the stories about all those girls treating him like crap came out and started making sense. Finally he admitted the truth about his virginity. It was the girl named Jocilyn. He is 20, and he lost his virginity this past October. He told me that he was embarrassed to tell me that I was only the second girl that he had slept with. I totally believe it. He didn’t know what the hell he was doing. I had to teach him how to finger me even.
     He even started telling me about his beliefs about stuff, his life when he was a kid, about his learning disability and how people used to pick on him.

    Man, I don’t even know where to begin. I believe every word he says, I finally got stuff out of him with no sketchiness at all. Unfortunately, that means he admitted that he used to like gill. Said he still does, but not as much. Admitted to liking Heather…told me he was all over Melissa, the girl in the suite next to him, tonight. Wow.

     I just don’t know. I want to continue with this desperately. Perhaps I should proceed, but with caution? See what his next actions will be? He didn’t promise that he wouldn’t freak out again in the future and push me away. I got another, "we’ll see". He didn’t get a very good response from me out of that one. I didn’t like that, and he sure as hell f4cking knew it!

     I also made it very clear that I am not setting foot in his suite. He needs to do all the work. I told him that I am not chasing after him, because he has a lot to prove.

     I don’t know, I feel like if it did end up working out, it could work out well, we really did get along really well. We have a lot of the same beliefs, etc. But what about those other little tihngs…man, I don’t even know. It’s 6am, and I am f4cking TIRED!