07/20/2012

 I have an extremely difficult time admitting negative things about myself. And I have an even more difficult time identifying what I’m at fault for. What should I forgive? What should I not forgive? I don’t have a good idea of when I’m wrong or not.

    I don’t know what things I should let go… what importance does a certain situation have? How do I know if it’s something I will or will not tolerate? Am I overthinking it?

I really do believe that I’m very overly sensitive right now. I feel like a complete failure. My self-confidence is completely shot… I’ve never been fired before! I thought I was more valuable than that…

This is really hard on me… and I’m not sure how I can pursue a position somewhere else if the place that I considered to be the best doesn’t perceive me as worthwhile. But I guess that’s my problem… I place too much value on other people’s opinions, and almost none on my own.

     So what is my opinion? Do I want to work in retail? Not particularly.

   I want to work at that clothing store to prove that I can do it, and wear nice clothes. All for other people… or is it? I want to have nice clothes, and I want to look nice for myself. But is it for myself?

    So what the hell do I want? I guess all I can do is try.

     I need to work on some goals. What I really want more than anything is to travel. I really really want to travel. But I have to get a job first. So one step at a time. Once I have the job, I’ll start thinking about that. That’s my plan… sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do to get to where we want to go. Job…