no end to the 2020 of it all

Well things are super morose around la casa de las tortugas. The Mr. has been telling me for years that he feels weird. Like struggling to find words and easily distracted. About 5 years ago he found out that his uncle had early onset Alzheimers and has long speculated he would be next — almost like he wanted to be next? Maybe I’m in denial. Anyhow, cut to this week and he revealed he’d just had a test for the gene indicating increased likelihood of developing the disease and yes, indeed, he does have that very gene. In the last year he’s been increasingly depressed and now he’s saying he can’t focus on work. Plus the decision before the pandemic started to take a break from work at the gallery and do this other thing. I figured at the time, “well this other thing sounds really iffy but he knows what he’s doing.”

So yes, while there’s no test result saying, ‘you’re in the early stages of Alzheimers’ he’s convinced he is. I’m trying not to freak out as is my way and agree with him. But there’s evidence for and evidence against. As long as I’ve known the Mr. he’s not liked work of any sort and really would love to retire. He’s possibly just experiencing depression — but this is new for him as he’s never been depressive or anxiety prone. I don’t know — there’s no way of knowing and even if we knew he were facing this illness there’s very little to be done and only one certain outcome.

One of my students is upset because I paired her with a mentor who is an academy award winning screenwriter and she wants to be paired with someone who writes romances. Okay, I get it but here’s the thing, she’s a terrible writer and could learn something about writing and above all professional habit but instead she’s pitching a fit about having to talk to a serious writer. Sometimes teaching feels like concierge service. I’d really like to not do it anymore quite honestly. Quite honestly I’d like to have no jobs. I’d like to dedicate the rest of my life to small home improvement projects. I’d like to not see people unless I want to see them. The pandemic has been helpful in that regard but the window isn’t quite as closed as I’d like it to be. Less interaction if possible would be idea.

I watched the proud boys wreck havoc in DC last night. My country, ‘tis of thee — we’re a shithole now.