My 3D camera arrived

Oh my god I’m such a nerd. Yes, I got a 3D camera. Right? In 2018 — a full 5 years after the whole 3D fad had come and gone. Here’s the thing, since I was a kid I’ve been fascinated with 3D photography. I can’t explain it. I’m that guy who goes to see the 3D version ON PURPOSE of any film playing in the format. Literally none of my friends want to go with me. Luckily enough, the Venn diagram of films I want to see and films playing in 3D is pretty small. The last one I saw was Blade Runner 2.

Anyhow, once I figure out how to convert my side-by-side 3D pictures to anaglyphic (red/blue) I’ll post some here. On my 12th birthday they showed “Gorilla At Large” on channel 6 in Miami — and my mom went to pick up glasses so I’d have enough for all my friends. She had to go to the sketchiest 7-11’s in Miami to get the glasses — all of this in 1982 when MIA was the MURDER capital of the US. You know, Scarface? Dead body in a dumpster behind the McDonalds on Kendall Drive. Head in a box on the side of Dixie Highway. Miami — what a shitshow that town was/is.

Ah, but my point — poor D — he’s been subjected to me thrusting the Google Cardboard headset at him every fifteen minutes. “Look, I filmed the turtles eating their dinner. It’s like they’re popping out of the water into your face!” Look, I’m nearly 50 — life’s pleasures are few at this point. When I was 11 I made my mom take me to see “Coming At Ya!” a HORRIBLE Italian western that was the first 80’s 3-D film out of the gate. She sat through one of the worst movies in the world. I went to see, that year Parasite, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn, Jaws 3-D, Friday the 13th 3-D, Rottweiler, Captain EO and a handful of county fair giant screen 3D things. SO HORRIBLE — These movies were hot garbage that did not diminish in the least my fascination with the format.

I paid extra for a 3D television and only watched about 20 minutes of the 3D Jean Luc Goddard film “The End of Language” before I gave up on it. I’m a film snob but even that was too much for me. You may wonder why we still even have movies showing in 3D given that the format is so universally despised by American audiences. The answer is: India, Russia and China. See in those 3 countries the spectacle of 3D is still very novel and very popular. When you get off your shift at the Shenzhen Missile Factory you want something that will take you to another place. So what if it causes eye strain? It’s more entertaining than the beating you got for falling asleep during your 17 hour w0rk-day. While all 3 of those countries have limits on how many American films they’ll allow to show there, any film in IMAX or 3D is exempt from the quota. It’s a win win for totalitarian governments and the media corporations in the US. Immersive formats are powerful tools for pacification.

Well, the Mr. just came in the door so I’m going to sign off here.