Twenty seconds to comply

I want to write, make, and create

Anything, anything

I was wasted in the afternoon, waiting on a train, I woke up pieces, and Elisabeth, had disappeared again

Cuz now he has a nasty habit of whispering goodnight to me, 7pm sharp and I am powerless, two weeks ago my cell rings and I hear this ancient voice on the other end

“You sound different, older”

I smile “you sound just like I remember”

I wish you where inside of me

I hope that you’re ok

I hope your resting quietly

I just wanted to say

So I walked around the parking lot, hugging the parking lines laughing like I was 18 again, then his mom shouted at me “when are you going to leave your boyfriend and marry my son” and I just stuttered like dubbya “eh,eh,eh,eh,eh”

What I wanted to say was “why the fuck couldn’t you say that when him and I were dating”

But I sat there breathless, speechless until he whispered

“are you okay?”

and i said, goodnight Elisabeth, goodnight

He tells me how his cousin went through this “phase” after I left, and we rehash the past..echo and rewind

you really loved me didn’t you? he laughs, (and his laugh brings back these memories of SNL in my shitty apartment him laughing and taking my hand and kissing it my brother alive sitting next to him on that small ass couch, eating the shitty 2 fer 1 pizza)

of course, I did you retard

What would it take to win you back?

Well you’d have to buy me a brand new altima, and send me roses everyday

oh..is that all? I can hear that cocky smirk in his voice

cause I’m all alone, you ain’t coming home you just settled down down down

And so he steals my voice. Because around him I don’t want to create, I can’t write with out the pain..and he makes me forget I ever was in pain.

All I see are dark gray clouds in the distance moving closer with every hour

So when you’d ask, “Is something wrong?” (I’d think)

“You’re damn right there is, but we can’t talk about it now. No we can’t talk about it now.”

So I ask him to tell me another story about something we did that I couldn’t remember, I want to laugh so hard I have vivid flashbacks of sitting on a washing machine somewhere in Stroudsburg kissing him and crying for California.

we were happy weren’t we?

So happy it wasn’t fair to other people

*Angel*

Drink up baby down.

are you in or are you out?

Leave your things behind,

‘Cuz it’s all going off without you.

‘Scuze me, too busy,

You’re writing your tragedy.

These mishaps, your bubble wrap, when,

You’ve no idea what you’re like…

(So let go)

So let go

jump in

Oh well whatcha waiting for?

It’s alright,

‘Cuz there’s beauty

In the breakdown.