last chance to lose your keys.

“do you have any idea what you do to boys?”

“I guess I never really thought about it..”

405 trafficHighway 405 will take you from the Boom Boom Room tapping my fingers on the window, keep the beat to a song that secretly ruins me. There was always music that is what I remember most.

And now there are a million songs I skip over, the world shakes when I forget to delete one of the songs he sent me..To be the man who walked 1000 miles, to fall down at your door

snapping fingers..where did you go psycho boy? he calls me back to reality.

“do you think about it a lot?”

“not lately” I whisper pull down the vanity mirror and play with my reflection.

“not lately?” he echoes

Use to be if I was breathing, I was thinking about it. Counting hours, seconds..all that time spent wondering and pondering..trying to figure out how I got myself there, and how to get myself out.

“What do you think he loved about you”

“he didn’t love me”

“he loved bits of you..”

“he didn’t love me”

He sighs and I repeat, we sit silent and Andrew whispers through the speakers But i’m slipping in between, You and your big dreams, It’s always you,In my big dreams its like a scene from fight club in my head DONT PULL TO CENTER…THIS IS YOUR BURNING HAND RIGHT HERE.

“I hate this song” I close my eyes

“I thought you loved this song”

I lean against the window, please just make it stop.

“You can’t hurt forever you know”

“I won’t”

I fall silent for days at a time I always was a bit anti social; thinking, thought, think this may have pushed me to full hermit. I want to talk about it but I do not.

“You just want everything on your terms” he pokes me.

Of course I do.

There’s no one left to finger

There’s no one here to blame

There’s no one left to talk to, honey

And there ain’t no one to bar our innocence

“how much longer will this hurt?” he rests his hand on my thigh

What I want to say it forever and ever and ever amen.

“I don’t know, this has seriously shaken my faith in humans, in friends, in feelings in everything”

“Why did you put so much faith in him?”

I’ve been looking for a savior in these dirty streets

Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets

I’ve been raising up my hands

Drive another nail in

Got enough guilt to start

My own religion

“Because he is a charming douche bag” I fix my make up and get us lost a thousand times..I have a terrible sense of direction as if that wasn’t proven by this whole drama. Two hours later, we crawl through our front door. some how I got lost on the way to your heart

Should I bite my tongue?

Until blood soaks my shirt

We’ll never fall apart

Tell me why this hurts so much

My hands are at your throat

And I think I hate you

But still we’ll say, “remember when”

Just like we always do

*Angel*