Turn the switch off

Need to update but hate doing so on my phone. That one sentence just took so long to type. Like a minute.

Have had an incredible weekend and am paying for it today. Drank basically nonstop until 1:30p today and then 2nd jobbed and cleaned the office. I felt like I was in hell.

Things with Will are much much better than I had anticipated. It’s like everything means SO MUCH and it’s quite heavy and it is kind of scary. Kissing him is like falling in _____. but it’s not ____, at least not yet. I can’t even say the word. Too much too much too much.

This morning my mom told me that her husband, my stepfather, of almost 20 years, is asking for a divorce. It doesn’t make sense because my mom should be the one asking for it. She has her flaws, she does not show love or talk about feelings and is the opposite of affectionate but why would you be affectionate with someone you don’t love? It all makes sense to me and I do know that I’m basically the captian of Team Mom so I make excuses for her and will never see her fault in it. That’s not a bad thing. Go Team Mom.

I hate that all of this bad shit keeps happening to her and I don’t know what to do other than support and love and listen. I want to punch stepfather of almost 20 years in the face.

Company holiday party was last night. I was sufficiently wasted from my day of nonstop drinking but I think it adds to my charm and social ability. I was, as suspected, the only one that came alone and thank god for that because I couldn’t have looked after someone else while still shmoozing with the bosses.

Scary movie on TV right now. Dark Water. Jennifer Connelly is freaking me out.

Will should be here in about a half hour. I’m making us dinner and I hope to have The Sex in return. I am a bit horn-dog-gy right now. Once it starts, it’s hard to stop. If you don’t have sex for awhile, the want goes away. Now I want. A lot.

I hate the swings of emotions I have about this situation. I wish it was cookie cutter clean, but it isn’t and I have to come to terms with it.

On Friday we wet out and had quite a night. Met up with some friends. One of them, Ryan, is a fantastic flirt and I spent a few minutes of the night with my arms around him. He has a girlfriend and Will was there so it was not a good thing but it was purely flirting and nothing more. In fact, I didn’t even remember it until Will reminded me the next day.

That is going to be the hardest thing to tackle…. If it comes to it. Not being able to flirt, thinking of someone else all the time, turning off the switch. Not sure that sounds like fun.

Dane’s birthday party was last night after the company party. The long haired piano player was working and I am seriously crushing on him. Dane said he could hook it up and I’m so down for that but that’s not right, is it?!

I need to figure some shit out right quick.