Tator Tot

Week 2 of crazy diet-ness.

Over the weekend I cheated with the following meals:

Friday: Had Phad Thai for dinner. OMG. So good.

Saturday: Had vegetarian egg rolls and vegetarian pho for dinner. OMG. So good. (I think there’s a pattern here.)

Sunday: Had an olive roll (BREAD) with my dinner salad. So fucking good.

That’s it for the cheating though. Not bad, really.

Oh it’s 10am. Breakfast time. For blueberries and almond milk. You know, for as boring as it sounds, and as boring as it tastes, it hasn’t really gotten old yet. I think I’m going to continue with this breakfast for awhile. It’s better than my 300 calorie Spinach Feta wrap from Starbucks, and hella cheaper too.

Last week I was allowing myself vodka sodas… but this week, no drinking. Not until Mexico. There will be plenty of that there.

 

Today I’m getting pho without the noodles for lunch, because I’m meeting up with my mom at lunch to meet their NEW ENGLISH LAB PUPPY who is the absolute fucking cutest puppy. I can’t wait to meet her. Her name is Tate (after Golden Tate of the Seahawks) and her nickname is Tator Tot.

 

Last night I went to sleep at 8pm. I was tired. It was solo night, which is what made my 11.5 hour sleep possible.

 

Yesterday ended terribly. My boss was ‘disappointed’ with me for failing to make sure he had enough room in the shuttle from the airport to the hotel in Salt Lake City.

It’s a fucking shuttle. You are one person. I just figured there would be enough room. I didn’t realize that was something to ‘check’ for.

Then he said that he had to remind me "3-4x about the hotel accommodations" which is a god damn exaggeration and misunderstanding, because in my mind, he asked me 1-2x the STATUS of a task IN PROGRESS, it wasn’t like he was reminding me. He just wanted it done faster so I hopped on it to get the confirmation faster than I had planned on before. That’s not reminding me. That’s bumping up in priority.

So I replied (this is all via text because apparently that’s an acceptable form of communication for reprimanding):

"I understand. I did contact multiple people at USOC many times about the hotel without replies, until I received the final answer. It was never off my radar but was difficult to reach anyone. I realize I didn’t get the information according to your time frame and I apologize for that, I did make many efforts however. As always I welcome your suggestions for better performance."

No response.

I hate that I have to stroke his ego whilst trying to defend myself.

I NEVER defend myself, btw. I am a big believer in accepting responsibility when I make a mistake or fall short of expectations. But when I don’t think I did either of those things… I can’t roll over and take it.

So apparently we’re going to discuss it when he gets back. I added that ‘I welcome your suggestions’ thing at the end so he wouldn’t just tell me that I didn’t do what he wanted, but he’d have to pintpoint what exactly I did wrong and how to better complete those tasks in the future.

The only answer to that last question is, "You have to be me, and read my mind, and know what I want, and when I want it, without me telling you until it’s too late."

He’s a terrible manager most of the time.

He doesn’t ever give me positive feedback. Only negative. I am a great employee, and I work hard. But I constantly feel like I’m trying to reach his expectations, but he keeps pushing me back so I never feel like I’m worthy of my job. It’s fucking bullshit.

A reward isn’t a paycheck. I mean, it is, but this paycheck is not at all what a person with my title, talent, experience, and knowledge should be making. I knew that when I took the job, but I was promised an unparalleled workplace with great benefits. Currently I pay 60% of my puny health insurance. Puny because I can’t afford good health insurance. That’s not great benefits.

The best benefit I get from this job is a free season pass to the mountain. But I haven’t heard anything about that yet… so I don’t know if that’s happening. At the least I should be able to get an industry pass that I may have to pay for… $260. Down from $800+.

But that’s no skin off my boss’s back. It’s just a piece of paper he has to sign.

 

So obviously, this vacation could not be coming at a better time.

 

I had a terrible dream last night that I broke up with Paco to find ‘greener pastures.’ I went on a camping trip, hooked up with some guy with dark hair and big eyebrows, and on the way home from the camping trip I got a DUI. My second. I was distraught, and the guy I hooked up with comforted me and we went on a date after the camping trip. At my house we played video games where we swam with dolphins and raced them, and then started making out on the floor.

I realized very soon into it that I wasn’t feeling it. It was awkward, it was…. not Paco.

I kept seeing Paco’s face every time I closed my eyes.

This new guy was supposed to stay the night, but after sensing my hesitation, he decided to leave. He was slightly annoyed but I’m not sure I cared. I just missed Paco.

After he left, I walked to the store to get a bottle of wine. On the way, I texted Paco, "I miss you."

He replied, a flood of texts telling me that he misses me, he misses the way we hold hands, he misses our bodies next to each other, he misses our chemistry and attraction, he misses how well we fit together.

I responded, asking if he would like to get together, maybe a date?

Then I woke up.

I felt so gross, for dream-kissing someone else. And breaking up with Paco as if there were any greener pastures out there.

What we have is undeniable, we fit SO incredibly well together, we always say we’re like puzzle pieces.

I would be an absolute fool to throw what we have away. Unless he or I did something unforgivable, there would be no reason we couldn’t work through any issues that we face. Truly.

Sometimes I feel scared that we’re losing our spark… but we are absolutely not. We’re morphing into something stronger… the spark is there, but there’s also so many layers that have been added.

I texted Paco when I woke up from the dream, even though it was 4am, I felt I needed to make contact. I said, "Having a terrible dream… Want to tell you that I love you! Nothing would ever come close to what we have together. Missing you tonight!"

 

In other news, Blackhawks hockey starts tonight! Yesssssss

Mexico in FOUR FUCKING DAYS

I’m down 5 pounds…

and that’s it.