quiet things that no one ever knows

I remember the days when I turned to this little diary for every little piece of crap that happened. Nowadays i write in here to relieve the boredom. Except for tonight. Tonight I have to write something, because I have nothing else to vent to at 2:17 am in the morning. At 2:17 during the day I have nothing else to vent to. But whatever. I feel like shit because I’m sick. Amber is missing and I am sad. I miss frank. I miss all my friends, if I can call them that. I miss having friends. I don’t want to sound all emo, god no, but….I dunno. I really don’t have friends. I just have people who I talk to more than others.
Why do I push people away? Anna was my best friend in the entire world in middle school. Once we got to high school everything was still okay. The last day of school was the last day I ever talked to her. I called her this summer, about two weeks after school was out, and she wasn’t home. I haven’t seen or heard from her since. It just….ended. Just like that. It’s like she died. It’s like everyone who is still at the old high school died. The only person I’ve had any contact with from there is Daniel, and I saw Aaron at Denny’s once a few months ago. The people I have here are just…there. Yes, I refer to them as my friends but…they arent. Or I dont feel as if they are. I could care less about all of them. The only people in this world that I probably give a dam about are frank and ellen, and samantha. Maybe my littlest brother. Even frank though…i havent talked to him in almost 2 weeks. I think ive been avoiding him. I don’t know why. I just…dont want to talk to him. Yet I miss him. And I still love him. And i hope he knows that. A few weeks ago was one of the happiest times of my life with him. And then it just ended. Just like my friendship with anna and jesse and amanda and lee and everyone else just ended. I havent talked to frank at all since then. and I dont know why.

Besides all that, I miss my kitty D: I never thought I’d be this emotional over losing my cat, but I am. Every time I see a shadow I step over it, thinking it’s her, and then i realize its just a jacket. I see little glowing dots in the dark and I think their her eyes, only to look closer and realize it’s the light on my brothers moniter. I miss the way she would somehow sneak into my room every night while im sleeping and snuggle next to me. I miss her meow. She has the same one she had as a kitten, its so cute. I miss petting her, she had such long pretty fur. I miss her being here, and I want her back. I want to know she’s okay. She’s been gone for 4 days now, and the people around here drive like maniacs. I’m afraid to look at the sides of the road when I’m in the car for fear i’ll see her there, dead. I refuse to let my other cat outside now. They’re normally outside alot. We let them out when they want to go out, and when they get hungry or tired they come back in. But they always come back in after a few hours tops, never a few days. Amber was the one who reminded me of my childhood….I got her from amanda’s aunt. Amanda kept her brother, spanky. Amber was the only one in the litter who kept her fluffiness when she got older. God I hope we get her back…

And now, Im still not tired, but I have a major headache, and ive gotta go find me some medicine. Im not surprised im not tired because ive been sleeping nearly all day for the last 2 days. Being sick sucks D: