cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort…

im so fucking sick of it all. sick of everything.

i havent felt this way in a long time. i havent cut this badly in a long time. I havent cried this much in a long time.  Im tired of pretending im okay, that nothing is wrong and im perfectly content with my life. But im not.

Im mad at myself, i feel like a spoiled ungrateful selfish idiot, because I know my life seriously isnt as bad as other peoples, yet I hate it.

i hate it so fucking much, and I cant figure out  exactly why.

Maybe its because i have no freedom, maybe its because all my friends try to kill themselves, maybe its because the few friends i still have left dont give a fuck about me anymore, maybe its because im ugly, maybe its because im always being blamed for everything, maybe its because im constantly being shouted at, maybe its because everyone else is always shouting at each other, maybe its because my little brother has just as much control over my life as i do, maybe its because the people in this house are always trying to find someway to make someone else miserable, maybe its because im boring, maybe its because my mom is always trying to kick me out of the house, maybe its because her and my brother are such fucking ass holes, maybe its because the one person i can sometimes tell this crap to lives 10000 miles away, maybe its because the one real boyfriend Ive had turned gay on me, maybe because the only other people I have a chance of dating are all psychotic suicidal freaks, maybe its because im not allowed to have a life, maybe its because everytime i get my hopes up someone or something goes and fucks everything up.

Maybe its one of those things, maybe its all of them, or maybe its something i forgot to list.

All i know is i am FUCKING SICK OF IT  !!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING? WHY!???

i was doing okay…i was able to suck it all up, pretend i was happy….but a few certain people out there just had to go and ruin it…all the emotions and thoughts and feelings that i had a year ago, theyre all coming back now. theyre all consuming me again…turning me into what i once was, just another suicidal teenager….

frank..if i decide to show you this, im sorry…