An Echo In
So, it’s been a year since i’ve last written anything in here. I almost forgot this thing even existed, but I didn’t, thanks to a random spam email from this site. I’ll update it…just so I can have some sort of idea of what was going on in my life at this point in the future. I don’t know if anyone will actually come across this entry, but if anyone is reading this…this is all written for me. I doubt it would make for an interesting read to anyone else.
Anyway, I really need to change this background, it sooo does not reflect my personality anymore. That person has long been gone. Unfortunetly I still have permanent reminders of her….I’ve let another person in on that secret.
I met him at school. He would try to talk to me on occasion, and my quiet at-school self always responded miserably. It was awful. I’m normally not so nervous when I talk to people, but when I would talk to him, i’d stutter and freeze up. It was odd and embarressing.
He asked for my number at the end of our summer class. I’ve never really had a long conversation on the phone with someone before, i’ve always hated phones….but I talked to him for a good two hours. It was suprisngly unakward. We set up a date. I almost didn’t go, I didn’t really want anything to with him. But I did…and again, I was suprised about how much fun I had and how unawkward it was being with him. It’s been almost two months now since i’ve been seeing him….we agreed upon being exlcusive before I went off to SFA (which is meh btw) so I would know if I should or should not try to go after other guys…but we aren’t like "official" yet. We’re really just taking this slow, which I like. It works for us I think.
One of my issues with this relationship is he’s 24…I started dating him when I was 18, so…that’s a huge age difference. He also looooooves going out to drink and stuff, and i’ve never touched the stuff in my life. I don’t mind…but…it’s odd for me. He’s also way more experienced than I am…I asked him how many partners he’s had..he said 12. 12! I dunno, maybe that’s normal for these days, or maybe he’s lying. So, of course with me being a virgin, i’m kind of intimidated. I’m also awful with affection so that doesn’t help. He says its okay though, and he has no problem with waiting for me to be more comfortable with things. His past also worries me…..apparently he had a huge drug problem when he was my age, he says he only does a little of some certain things on occasion, but that’s it. Im wondering if that’s normal…if it’s weird for me to be fascinated and intrigued and shocked.
He really is a gentleman though 🙂 i’ve heard there aren’t many of him these days, so I guess I got lucky. He likes to plan, which I like, because we always have something to do. He’s funny. He’s intelligent. He has a great taste in music….I love love love his music. I’ve got hundreds of new songs to listen to now thanks to him. He does have his personality flaws though…he seems to be kind of…I dunno…bossy? Maybe that’s not the right word…just, if he doesn’t think something is done right, he’ll ask me to do it right. I find it odd that such mundane things would bother him. It’s fine now, but i’m wondering if there is a little dictator demon inside of him that’s going to come out later in our relationship. He also doesn’t have a job and lives at home with his mom….I hate telling that to people, I’m already making excuses for him as to why that is. They’re fact, i’m not lieing about anything, but still…like, he quit college when he was younger and started working and saved up money to go to school and quit work so he could go to school full time to finish. And he’s living with his mom to save money, and so he can help take care of his grandfather. He does have his ambitions, i’m hoping he actually works towards them instead of ending up like my cousins living home at 30 with a new job every few months.
Oh, and about his looks….well, I love his hair 🙂 when I first meet guys, that’s the first thing I notice…and he especially, his hair just blew me away. I absolutely love it. It’s dark and long and man is it sexy…he says he’s planning on cutting it though because he likes to change hairstyles all the time 🙁 Overall, I think he’s a good looking guy. I mean, i’ve seen better, but I am attracted to him. I love going places with him, so everyone can clearly see that he’s mine 🙂 the only thing I don’t like about him is….body hair. Gross. I know some women find it manly, but eww…I don’t. Chest hair and back hair totally turns me off, and ugh…he is a very hairy guy. Just another reason why frank is more perfect for me than anyone, because frank isnt hairy….
Speaking of frank, I tried to get rid of him over the summer. I wanted to just erase him from my life. This was why I finally started to date again after having rejected many guys over the past few years. After quite a few months of me ignoring Frank completely (because I knew I had to be realistic about things), he sent me this letter…..words cannot describe it. It was so beautiful and sad that it made me cry. It made me realize that I could never stop loving him and I could never live without him. I was missing him so much already even though I was trying not to, and then he sent me that, and it was just too much….so, we’re back to our old selves again.
It makes me feel kind of bad though, because even though i’m dating someone, frank is still calling me every day and texting me good night and good morning and he even sent me a bracelet last week……it makes me feel like im being dishonest, or cheating even. I refuse to be that kind of person. I’m always reminding frank I do not belong to him anymore…not right now anyway.
He’s coming to visit during christmas break….Im kind of hoping I wont be in my current relationship anymore because I would most defintely count that visit as bad. If you have to hide it, it’s bad. And if my guy knew my ex was coming to visit me from halfway across the country, there is no way he’d be okay with that. I’ll have to tell him though….we made an agreement to not to ever lie to each other, even if it will hurt the other one’s feelings, and I want to honor my word. He says the most important things in a relationship are trust, honesty, and communication, and i’ve really tried my best to be as open as I can with him regarding those things.
Well, about school….hmm…like I said, it’s meh. It was odd at first living in the dorms, but i’ve gotten used to it. I havent met very many people, i’m trying to be more outgoing, but…eh, I like my me time. There are some people in a few classes I do talk to while i’m in class, but that’s about the extent of it. If I go anywhere with someone it’s always my roommate and her new friends. My roommate is cool btw, we dont have much in common, but she’s nice…we get along well.
Oh, and I have a new puppy. Well, he’s not so new anymore. He’s about 8 months old now. I got him from my aunt when he was 8 weeks old. He’s the cutest thing….he’s like my baby. For the first few months, all my time, money, and energy went to him. It was awful, but worth it. I wasn’t able to sleep in until he was about 6 months old.
he also ate many prized possessions…like my very first harry potter book. But still, I love him.
Okay, I think I typed enough.
Oh, by the way, the title of this is a song…An Echo In by The Sea and Cake. It’s my guy’s alarm song….I slept over one night (and boy did I get in trouble) and woke up to this one morning. It was set to start off really quiet and get louder gradually. It was the most beautiful thing ever…..slowly opening my eyes to find him next to me…the dawn’s sun shining through the windows…and this song playing. It was lovely.
And while im thinking of it….I went with him and two of his friends to a music festival this summer. It lasted two days. On the first evening, another most beautiful thing ever happened. We were lieing in the grass on a hill…Explosions in the Sky was playing….the sky was getting ready for bedtime…it was like a rainbow stretched across the entire earth, and clear except for a few lines of high wispy clouds. The city skyline was in the background…far away enough to see but close enough so that you knew you were still in the city. The darkest colors were behind the city’s horizon, so the whole city was glowing. Some people had bubbles…..so as I gazed towards the sky, all I saw were the bubbles drifting off into that colorful oblivion, glistening with the last of the sun’s light….with that music…..and his warm body next to mine….and oh my god was it fucking beautiful.