6 months now

6 months ago in April my friend told me she’d no longer be my friend while I was drinking. An ultimatum I guess.

My friend since high school, a bridesmaid in my first wedding, I spent the night with her 2 years ago when she first learned of her husband cheating, the girl who’s there for everyone in their darkest times. She persuaded all my other friends to abandon me as well.

I cut off contact. Twice I drunk texted her about how much she’d hurt me. I finally deleted her number so I’d stop humiliating myself.

its 6 months later and still nothing from her. I’m on new medication from my psychiatrist, I’ve been seeing a counselor. The new medicine is helping a lot.

Absolutely nothing from my 20 plus year old friendships. No one checked on me. No one gave a fuck. I’m nothing to them. No one noticed I deleted them on social media for not standing up for me.

2 of these friends are counselors, one is a doctor, another a nurse. The irony of this makes it impossible to ignore that they just don’t like me. They wanted me to disappear from the friend group. It was never about my drinking. It was always about them wanting me to disappear.