Day Two of Hopefully Many

It’s the 7th. Which means that in almost exactly 2 weeks I’ll be on my way to picking up Annie from the airport. The living room is slowly getting put back together — Ipo’s tools are leaving the common area and Court’s manga boxes are gone. Now Mom and I just have to get the general clutter out of the way, put up her perler beads and do a nice, deep, clean. I’m debating on whether I want to do puffs next week… I really do, but it’s going to be a busy two weeks. 🙂 I think Annie would like some cream puffs when she gets here though, and I’m sure if I need the baking therapy next week, I’m really going to need it after picking her up.

I can feel the stress trying to leak through me and take me over. I’m a little more snapish and a little less patient right now… which is better than where I would have been if all this was happening 3 years ago — I’m still having problems processing stress and adknowledging it before it gets to nuclear levels. Doc says that my biggest issue is that I don’t know how to stop it from reaching critical levels and when it does, I shut down. Just. Completely. Shut down. I am getting better… although Ipo is enough to try the patience of a saint at times.

Yesterday went good for the most part — I picked Mom and Rider up from work, made breakfast, and wrote here. While munching on my eggs and toast, I watched a couple videos from a Youtuber I follow. These videos were “year end” compliations of three different Youtubers that I’ve heard of — all of which were mukbongs. Mukbongs were originally from South Korea (I think), and they featured people sitting and eating and talking — one of those “I really don’t want to eat alone but I don’t have anyone to eat with” videos you put on to pretend that you’re not all by yourself. Then they morphed into people on Youtube eating HUGE amounts of food. We’re talking, like, 5 pizzas and wings, or buckets and buckets of KFC or mountains of noodles. Now, I’m big and I can eat, but oh my god, these people are BIG. I found myself looking at them and thinking, “I really don’t want to end up like that — having to go on bed rest because I coughed and broke a rib, or have to have my partner help me with personal hyigine (I do the last one, but only because showering together is fun, not because I can’t wash myself). So, thinking about this, I went through my emails and found one from Weight Watchers that says “Come back! We’ll cut you a good deal for the first 6 months!” So I signed up again.

I weighed myself last night.. 368. Which is a lot, but it is less than I weighed last year when I stopped WW, so that’s good. My goal is to try to be down to 325 or so by the time my 6 month promotional period is up. It’s definitely doable.

What’s holding me back from doing this? Well, I know I’m an emotional eater — if I get stressed or bored, I eat. I also have a hard time with portion control — if I open a bag of chips and bring it with me to the computer, or the couch, or wherever, then I’ll eat the whole thing, even if I don’t really feel like I want it. Oh, and portion sizes. I have no clue on those. These are things that I carried over from my childhood and are hard to break. I also don’t get up and about near enough. I’m getting a smart watch this coming up week and I’m going to try to make a point of taking one or another of the dogs out for a walk daily. I know they need it, and I’m sure I need it too… I just need a new pair of shoes.. my flip flops that I wear don’t make for good walking / jogging shoes. I’m going to see about picking up a pair from amazon or something, some good, sturdy walking shoes.

I get 51 points a day to eat, and they want me to do 10 minutes of exercise a day to start. I think i can do that. Yesterday I stayed within bounds, even with BLTs for dinner. I can say that I overate at dinner time though — I picked up a loaf of Dave’s Killer Thin-Sliced bread and forgot that it fills you up a LOT faster and better than regular white bread. So I made myself two sandwiches like I normally do, and oh my god, I was sooo full. I think I’ll stick to one sandwich to start from now on. I also had a few fruit and nut snack packs for snacks, some of the leftover hamburger helper (measured out, so I got exactly 1 serving… it’s amazing how small that looked compared to ‘normal’) with a salad for lunch and of course, the BLTs for dinner. I even had enough points for a mango mochi ice cream for dessert. 🙂 Here’s hoping I can continue on this path.

So, anyways, as I was saying.. I signed back up to weight watchers and thought about all the other things I wanted to get back into doing — namely setting up my routine. I did my best by it yesterday — cleaned the kitchen, picked up the living room and cut down recycling boxes (gotta love online shopping for Xmas but you get a LOT of cardboard boxes). All this, then a short nap in the evening, dinner and driving Mom and Rider to work, and coming home to changing the bedsheets and ending everything with a shower.

I did have a moment of stress flaring up — before I left to take Mom and Rider, I asked Ipo to put the sheets into the washer and get it started along with whatever else he needed washed. I told him when I got home, I’d switch the laundry over, putter around, and then put the clean sheets back on the bed. So I got home from my trip and the clothes weren’t in the washer. His comment was “you got home earlier than I expected.” >.> I love you hon, but dammit, you threw everything off. I kind of went cold and then spaztic, got upset at the fact that my plans wouldn’t work and I’d end up staying up later than I wanted to, because I depended on Ipo to do the task I asked of him… luckily before I could shift into panic and depressed mode, we found a spare pair of sheets, got them on the bed, and I continued on my day. I’m working on it… Ipo said that I’m doing better than I normally do this time of the year. It’s still a hard road though.