Smoked

That didn’t last long.

I smoked after writing my last journal entry. I was thinking about going to the gym and was heading to Walmart when I saw two guys on the street. I asked them for a plug. They hopped in my car and we got some. And then I dropped them off and went home to smoke. I got on the phone and complained to a girlfriend about my habit. Then I called another friend and fell asleep shortly afterwards. Now it’s time for me to get some work done. I don’t know where to begin to be honest. There’s so much on my mind. There’s this overwhelming sense of guilt that I bought weed. I am upset about life…that’s why I smoked. I’m upset about not being where I want to be. I’m upset about being conflicted about everything. I’m upset because I ate everything in my refrigerator because of the munchies. I’m upset because I still have many errands to do today and I don’t know where to start.

Dear Jesus, please help me with my addiction. I don’t want to need any substance. Please heal my mental health and give me a peace that surpasses all understanding. Please heal my body from my crown to the soles of my feet. I love you… even though I don’t know you. I love you because if I’m wrong about your existence then I apologize for any resistance. I just want to know your name…and I want the promises you said. Help my life. Amen