Falling backwards

I just woke up from another nightmare. I had like 4 girls and 3 guys over. We stayed in a house rental for a fun getaway. I didn’t know any of them except for my real life friend, Paul, whose been my homie fr fr since over 5 years.

In my dream, something made me upset so I “self medicated” through smoking; which I always did in my real life. Then, a series of bad events happened afterwards.

(continuing my nightmare) When I woke up from my “weed nap”, someone that wasn’t originally at the party, acted like he was sorry about what happened that earlier today.

I left my room to visit my friends, but all my guy friends left. My female friends were all in one room. I asked what happened during my nap, and they said all the guys left once this person/figure arrived with weird energy. I called one of my guys friends and they said they thought we were gonna keep the same people in the house but they left early because it felt weird to stay. Actually, the girls even wanted to leave but stayed for me.

I called a psychic which I would never do in real life and I was told that this person/figure is fake. I confronted this person, and I asked him to never show up again to my events. Afterwards, I woke up from my nightmare…

This is what I learned from it. Smoking weed does damage to my life & I should not rely on it to self medicate. Had I not smoked in my dream, I wouldn’t have been asleep for three hours. I wouldn’t have had someone this metaphor for “evil” to creep in and silently destroy things. I feel bad that I consumed marijuana in my nightmare. But at least, not in real life.

There’s a plethora of reasons I want to quit marijuana for life. I like having my newfound energy, I go through my emotions in a much clearer way, I don’t get the munchies as much, I don’t act emotionally unstable, I’m more mindful of what I say, and I don’t smell like a Pepe Le Pew anymore. Not to mention my skin, gums, hair, eyes, and lips look sooooooo much better since I quit.

So why do I think about smoking still? It’s an addiction. I haven’t smoked for the past 29 days. But I had been smoking for the past 30 years, almost every single day!!!!

“God, deliver me from this addiction! Help me make wise decisions in the future! Keep me away from harm! Let me remember to lean not on my own understanding. Help me never go to marijuana for pleasure or pain. Help me to remember that it never benefits me. Help deliver me from this addiction, in Jesus name.”

• I probably lost a lot of readers after praying, but I do have faith that there is a higher source. There are actual artifacts on Jesus’ existence; more history on Him than most historical figures. I can’t deny His existence. I don’t know why so many bad things happened in this World, but I don’t question Jesus.