oct 22

It’s been so hard lately. I’m so confused. I’m grieving like I lost a sibling.. My heart hurts literally.

I know the reason he doesn’t want to be with me is valid. I understand and I agree.

I feel differently. But I’m also an optimistic. I love Mitch’s personality. We are a good match?

I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. He texts me like nothing has changed.

He gifted me a set of dredr ear buds last Wednesday. That’s the last time I saw him.

I know I should really run away from this situation… I’m not sure if I really want to leave. He doesn’t seem sure either. He wants to meet tomorrow. Although I asked to meet today and he said NO. His exact words where "I don’t want to travel" I cant tell if he is blowing me off because he IS lazy. or because he’s fucking with me.  Now I’ll spend the night thinking about why he would be such a dink.

__________________________________

My house is pretty clean. It’s feeling good. It’s like deep clean. Everything has been moved around. Did you know my TV is on milk crates. It’s pretty interesting. This TV has to be like 200lb. I can see the pressure indent on the floor boards. It’s perfect eye level from the couch though. and my living room is pretty wide so the tv is far away. Maybe I’ll sew something cute on a table cloth or something and cover them. Not that I’m not proud to live in the GHETTOOOOO.

Speaking of Ghetto. How the fuck am I going to find a decent roommate to live with me. The only people who are searching for places to live in the "Lawn" are people that actually belong in the Lawn. I also narrow the field of good people by putting "must LOVE marijuana". 😛 My ad for a roommate is going to be a page long. Not joking. I’m the ruler of this kingdom now. For now… I’m very glad there isn’t anyone here right now to see how pitiful I am… ha.

I made a Double Down today at work. Real thinly sliced chicken boobs, panko crusted. deep fried  then had bacon, and cheese melted on it..  then it went in a burger bun with lettuce & tomatoes & MAYO! win.

I had a macaroon for breakfast. I also worked 12 hours today.  True story.

I should probably go lay in bed. Tomorrow’s another day.. isn’t it?

it’s zachs birthday today. my long lost brother.