10/16/2012

It’s been 2 weeks since the casino issue. We have been broken up since.

I asked him why he lied. Why he wasn’t in this relationship like I was. He basically said it was because he didn’t trust me… and that he never would.

I can’t really argue. Except that what he did was on a different level than what I did. I feel that it was almost worse.

I really wanted all that to be over. I’ve been honest and faithful for a very long time. My trust for him was slow regaining, Because I know what he’s capable of. Because of what. I have done to him.

I’m a little pissed that it’s all of a sudden we can’t go forward. But I also understand. I also know we are to damaged to go anywhere. I’ve been asking him alot to move in with me. Asking him for more than what we have. But he told me we couldn’t because "I" didn’t trust him. He made me think all this time that it was me.

I saw him for the first time lastnight in 2 weeks.  We snuggled hard and he told me that he didn’t want to make me unhappy. He didnt want to lead me on to believing there might be a future for us. He wasn’t sure if there was one. I cried quite a bit. I know it’s all true.

I savored every moment laying in bed with him. I will really miss him. i can’t tell if he will cave after a week or if it will be premanent. I’m pretty depressed right now. But also relieved I think.

More bad news. My roommate wont be coming back. Not all to surprised. He said that his uncle is dying with cancer and he needs to stay with his family. He also said that he will pay for november and december. I am kinda glad it worked this way, I didnt like him much anyway. And I can have the house to myself for a bit. I need to look for a roommate soon though.

Quite the few weeks I’ve been having.