Grab your coffee.. this is a LONG one..

So i’m doing "ok" money wise, but nothing like before.  When really I could shop when i wanted to, within reason of course,and still not have much trouble paying the bills…

now.. totally different story.  shopping is still a part of my life.   As if i could totally stop!?  But it causes us to make sacrifices and it’s really just irritating.  I mean, if Dave was actually paying what he should be in child support I could still shop.. within reason.. and be ok.  And yes i know that child support is for the girls and that shopping isn’t a priority… but 99.9% of my shopping is FOR THE GIRLS.  Right now, they have tons of winter clothes and nothing.. or next to nothing for the summer/spring.  Since you all know my Gymboree addiction, i like to "collect" clothing for them in advance.  Now anyone who is new here should know that I always shop the sales and i always have a coupon.. i NEVER pay full price for any Gymboree item.. EVER.  I also buy new and gently used items from ebay and mostly my Gymbofriends website.. i love it.

Anyway.. here’s what i got with my 2 gymbucks that i earned buying the girlies the last of their winter stash.. It all came to about $80 w/ shipping.. so not too bad.. especially for new line pieces.. (oh and for some mysterious reason, these NL pieces were already marked down!  strange but wonderful..)

I got each of the girls one of these dresses.. LOVE THEM!! charles saw this and said i should definitely buy it for them! LOL!  Not sure now if i’ll go for my original easter plans for them or these dresses…. hmmmm…. probably the original plan.. maybe i’ll do a poll here or on GF, or both.

for maya moo..

and Paiger..

they are capri’s

so yes, i love them all but I am not loving how a simple Gymbuck purchase can put a strain on the budget around here.  Of course, we spent some other money this weekend, probably totally near this that we didn’t "need" to spend either, so it isn’t all the gymbo that causing the strain..

Now i know that people are going to tell me that i shouldn’t be buying clothes and then crying about money stress, but well, this is what i do.  I got these all at a great price.. and no, we’re not going to be evicted or have our electricity turned off or be hungry or anything because of it.  We are just going to have to watch our spending.. as always.. so this really doesn’t change any of that..

It’s just that my income has been reduced, as was expected, due to this divorce.. and that is well, just not fun.

but we do have plans to remedy some of that in the future..  Dave WILL start paying child support, so that will ensure that the girls can have..well clothes and food, and also take part in activities such as sports and dance class.  Charles just got a raise at work and will probably get another one in the near future, so that will help us out.  He is also going to start college in the fall.  He was never really able to go as he had to stop in the middle of his first semester when his mother lost her job to get his own job and help her out.. He’s going to go for social work.. and as we work for a human services agency and many of the higher ups believe he will be an incredible social worker, he should be able to get a job in that field whenever there is an opening and when he is qualified.. so it’s just a struggle for now.. not forever.

Sometimes i look at my life and think, "Man, I should be further along than this right now!"  The main thing is that i think i should own a house.  I know it will happen someday, but the waiting is annoying.   I feel that i did "everything right"  graduated, got my bachelor’s in 4 years, my masters soon after, and yet, here i am in an apartment.  And then there are others who went a different route.. no college, per se, that have been able to obtain home ownership when i just can’t right now.. it’s not that i begrudge them.. i’m happy for them.. but it is frustrating for me..

However, it feels better that i’m not there with Charles, who is 29, than i did with dave, who is 37.  Dave being so much older always made me feel "behind" in life.  As though i was taking all my steps in life 10 years too late..

oh well though, i think there will always be that next "plateau" that i want to achieve no matter where i am.  A couple of years ago it was a full time teaching job..now that i have that it’s a house.. then i’m sure i’ll be something else.. there will always be something more..

so i’m going to just try to work toward my goals.. and the goals i am creating with charles.. and just be happy in the moment.  I"m already MUCH happier than i was a year ago..

and on that note.. i will end this lengthy ramble..

Happy MLK day everyone!!!