First day of clinical

When undergoing this crazy career change, the thing that is the most scary is the big question "What if this isn’t "it" either??"  What if i hate it?? what if all the gross stuff makes me hate it?? what if it’s awful?? what did i get myself into?????

that question was answered today in the person of a little old man.  He was paralyzed, has a bed sore, and can barely use his arms.. but his smile lit up my soul.  His presence and spirit made me see that all the "grossness" doesn’t matter.. won’t matter.. because all i wanted to do was to take care of him, to listen to his stories, to have the amazing gift of getting to know him, if only for a couple days.  He took most all of my apprehension away in a single day.  He made me see that this is truly something I want to do…  and something I am meant to do.

I cried today.  A man on my unit died as instead of wheeling him off the floor like cargo to the morgue, they did what they call the "soldier’s final walk."  A memorial in just a few moments of dignity, and a poem.  and yes, i cried on the first day… hehe.  but i’m glad, because once again, i feel so fortunate to have had the honor to be part of that.  A moment in time that will never occur again.

I love this profession, this one i’ve only just begun learning about.  It’s all about beauty and strength and human dignity in times of struggle and sadness.  An old man’s smile lit up my heart and soul today…  it’s a day i will never forget.