God’s Anvil…

It is 12:58,  I’m sitting on my front terrace with only my gas latern and some Fairy Dust incense to provide company..

It has been a long and interesting day spent with family…but my thoughts they continually linger towards HER,  I am thinking of all the things she shared with me this week.  each one just a small thing,  (though in some cases HUGE things) but collectively they are important,  the common thread being this:  “I did something and I don’t think the thing I did represents who I am”.. but today as i sat in church and I worshipped my God with my whole heart my thoughts drifted towards HER as I wished her to be there with me and then I realized she couldn’t…

Her guilt, her shame,  each event,  for XX years was keeping her from this place….this place of perfect worship and honesty with GOD, ..and then it hit me how each time she carried one of her stories to me, how we would unpack it,  and discuss it, that what was really happening was that we were breaking a chain….this past week she brought me at least two chains…

Now that I know the sacredness of what she is doing (whether conscious or unconscious is immaterial) I will respect her sharing much much more…each chain represents her getting to that place of total freedom and transparency with God…

She was asking how I managed my total swan dive into the pool of God’s grace and mercy…(its is because not being raised in a church environment I can be quite literal in God’s promises)  I cannot wait for her to unpack the rest of her chains on me…only difference now is my respect for what this means to her..

God,  Please bring her chains to me,  let’s break them together, the remnants of which I will cherish as they are still part of HER,  please give me the patience to be around long enough to witness that run into your arms…

Days ago I shared that I thought she was God’s very Anvil that I was placed upon and struck with the Hammer of God,  I was shattered and broken,  I was bent and shaped and tempered into something I couldn’t imagine…as the medium being shaped I can only comment on my feelings alone but I’ve come to wonder…the anvil…how does it feel as the very metal on the forge is being broken and shaped,  and the molecules of steel are being literally forced into the surface of the anvil…my own experience tells me that the anvil itself has compassion towards those broken upon its back..

I am here to say…I was broken and made upon an anvil that given a thousand chances to have a do-over, that i would refuse.

She is the best thing that has ever happened to me….if you knew the street dog I was and high I have climbed since those days then the statement would have even more impact….

Warmest Wishes from the Smoking Hot Caldron that is known as “HOTLANTA”   -Beauty for Ashes