Calling All Angels!

.EDIT:5-9-19 at 4:18am to clarify the words written below the use of the word  Her or She (emphasis is mine) refers to a very special person,  she might be called “K”,  “WP” or various other obscure references,  which is not the same thing as the young woman referred to in this post as the one getting the abortion,  also I am not the father,  I am a man who has known Lani since she was 8 years old (she is 15 going on 16 now)  and I care for her like a dad that she doesn’t have,  HER is something else and I will leave it at that…

.My Girl  Lani aborted the baby within 48 hours of finding out she was pregnant…I am crushed…she actually thinks I am believing her lies and I am sad that she is going through this all alone…I won’t share with you the texts I sent her but I can assure you that as just a man who would be honored to be called her Father I did everything I could short of locking her up to stop her…

What makes the pain double worse is that Her actually totally put herself out there,  I asked Her at lunch if she was ok with getting her hands dirty, as in really dirty…she didn’t hesitate…the confidence,  we just knew that God was gonna show up…

right now I’m trying to figure it out…in my heart of hearts I just knew it, that she was gonna go for the abortion,  but was hoping for something else…

I’m not gonna lie while I went about the rest of my day that my heart, thoughts and prayers where with Her and Lani,  at 5:22 pm I got the saddest text of an “un-smiley face” from Her….

It so fucking hurts….I want to smash bottles and break things, helpless is not my normal position…PLEASE GOD!…honestly i am just hurting for them both…

.I responded to her’s text  that God isn’t done, and that SHE stood in the gap…which is so totally true…still hurts though…

I’m so fucking proud of Her...because I know how much she put out there…

I am thinking as I write this…is the whole purpose of this entire event answering the question “Who will stand in the gap?”  Who will stand?  Who will fight?  I am praying and hoping this event is actually the thing that becomes the cornerstone of the things to come…I am feeling that it is..Oh God let it be true that this horrible day will one day be looked at as the greatest of days…I call Her,  “WP”  and I hope and pray where the scar from the wound inflicted today, which is truly grievous, becomes a source of pride later in her life…

Today during one of the endless “culture debates”  we got into the discussion of two basic words “Here” (Acqui)  and “Now” (Agora)”

of which I maintain that “Here and Now” clearly means something different in Brazil than it does here, it explains so much about the way my Brazilian contractors work and perform.  If you will indulge me…”Here and Now” also mean something completely different to God…I humbly submit that God is going to do something fucking amazing,  that I’m just too dazed to see it yet,  that I will see it…that Lani and Her will both be more than ok.

 

My guilt for dragging Her into this entire crazy mess is immense…but strangely I have no regrets..the problem with God is once you taste…what else satisfies?  (speaking from experience I have stuffed a metric fuck-ton of stuff into the God shaped void that is in my soul)

to all those moved and who have tasted and known God I covet your advice and support…

Warmest & Best Wishes

-Beauty for Ashes

 

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