I failed

Reading this made me think about my last relationship. We were together for almost three years. It was everything I could have ever wanted in the beginning. The fun dates, the late-night phone calls when we couldn’t sleep because we missed each other, and the feeling of being loved when no one else gave you that attention was addicting. As the months turned to years, it started to feel more like a chore to satisfy them. It wasn’t fun anymore. No more late-night calls. No more feeling validated. And towards the end, it was constant fighting. The person I fell in love with, the person I told all my friends and family about, the person who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with was gone. I started to pull away and they noticed. Which made them go back to the person I originally fell in love with and it would fuck with my head. The fun dates again. The late-night calls. The feeling of being loved was back. Then maybe a month or so would pass and it would end and I started to question myself and wonder, “Is it me? What am I doing wrong? Why don’t they love me like they used to?” The fights turned into the blame game and they made me think that the reason why our relationship was failing was because I wasn’t paying enough attention to them or my lack of wanting to go out was causing THEM to pull away. When in reality, it wasn’t me. It was never me. And once I figured that out it got so much easier to realize that what they were doing was manipulation and gaslighting. Making me feel like without them I would be nothing. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself which makes me laugh now because I see where they are today and I’m doing A LOT better than they are. So at the end they end of the day remember this. No matter what they say to you to make you stay or how many times they apologize. Take a step back and take in everything they have put you through. Everything they have said that made you doubt your worth or bring you down. No matter how they grew up or what their back story is, REMEMBER you did NOT write that story. You have your own beautiful story and journey to continue writing and discovering. Think of this is a chapter in your book called Life. Whether you decide to continue this chapter or finally turn the page to start a new one is up to you. But never ignore that gut feeling. Always listen to your heart. And if your heart isn’t in it then how can you be? I hope my little rant can help you in some way. You’re never alone…