Selfishness

Sometimes people make me feel selfish.
And it upsets me because selfishness is probably the thing I hate most in the world.

It just bothers me when I offer to help someone, because I can see they need it, and my help is rejected…but then, later, at all inconvenience to me – I am expected to help them out of what they got themselves into; what am I suppose to do? They “didn’t need” me when I offered help, so why, when they realize that they were wrong & do in fact need my help, should I then be expected to go out of my way to fix a situation they got themselves into by rejecting my help in the first place – a situation I saw coming and tried to avoid for them by offering to help beforehand; I just think sometimes, you have to let them suffer through it…and it makes me feel kind of selfish to say it, but it’s how I feel.
No one has coddled me for the bad choices I’ve made, big or small & I wouldn’t expect them to. Especially the people that gave me an alternative beforehand. That to me, is disrespectful…someone offering their hand, and me just walking away because oh, I don’t need them…and then turning around and expecting them to come running after me with that same open hand? I chose to walk away! I deserve the consequences for that choice. I rejected them once, why would I expect them to now do even MORE for me? It’s just a slap in the face, I think.

It’s tempting, sometimes, to be that person that’s ALWAYS there to pick up the pieces. I know. I am that person sometimes, oftentimes…because that’s what you do for people that you love, right? But. I don’t think people learn that way. I don’t think they will learn if you don’t refuse them sometimes. Consequences exist for a reason…experiencing consequences is the best way for people to learn.

(I’m not saying that we should never help people – because I am a strong believer in helping people, a lot of people do NEED help, and I feel like it’s our responsibility as humans to take care of eachother; it’s just that, not everyone is helpless, or helpless in the same way or to the same extent…but we will act like it, because it’s easier that way – as long as there is that person that’s always there to clean up our mess. I feel like, sometimes, we need to go it on our own, to show ourselves that we aren’t actually as helpless as we’re acting; we won’t ever be able to swim if we don’t jump in the water. If someone is always there to swim us to safety, we will continue to rely on those people because they are enabling us to continue being dependent on others to carry us & we can drain those people of everything they have…when they could be out there helping the people that really need it in ways that can actually change lives)

I just think that, sometimes, you can help a person more by not helping them, than by helping them.

If you’re always looking for someone to fix things for you…eventually a day will come when you CAN’T fix yourself…and by then, everyone is going to be so tired of fixing you that they aren’t there to do it for you anymore.