On death

A guy that I went to school with died in a car accident yesterday & it really made me look at life differently, as death usually does to people – it wasn’t the cliche “seize the day because you don’t know when it will be your last” though, it was more of a “seize the day simply because it was given to you”.
It really made me feel like an ungrateful brat, that I get to be alive when other people die every day…and all I do is disrespect the life and the body that I have because I’m angry & feel like life owes me something for all the shit its given me; but, I realized that life is not indebted to me, I’m indebted to it. And ultimately, I’m indebted to God.
I don’t know, maybe everybody else already knew that, but I just figured it out.

I also thought about how I act like such an ungrateful brat because I feel like I have nothing to be grateful for because I feel like I’m pretty worthless; and I justify feeling that way because “how am I suppose to believe I’m not worthless if everyone treats me like I’m worthless, and no one believes I’m worth anything or tells me I’m worth anything”…and I am honestly just now realizing how much of a lie that is – I am surrounded by people that tell me I’m not worthless, all the freaking time! I just refuse to listen. Because I’m stubborn.

Well, I am done being stubborn.
I mean it.
(I might have to be reminded from time to time though)