ED

My heart is tight and it won’t stop pounding a hundred miles an hour and its hard to breathe and I can’t stop shaking and it’s scaring me.
This has never happened before.
I’ve gone 4 or 5 days without eating before, and I’ve done it more than once. And this is only after 2 days.
…I don’t want anything terrible to happen to me.

But I still can’t give this up.

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July 21, 2007

it doesn’t sound like crazy talk to me because i feel the same way. i’m sorry things are so hard right now. <3

July 21, 2007

*hugs* I got like that after 3 days too…seems like it gets more uncomfortable each time. And harder to start eating again too. I kept a packet of cigarettes in my purse for a while after I quit. It’s nice knowing that should you want/need to, they’re there, even though you shouldn’t. <3

July 21, 2007

it doesnt seem crazy..not a bit..maybe because im going through something similar…i wanted to cut so bad last night..but i threw all of my razors away..probablly a big mistake..but i thought it would be okay…so i just took apart a disposable one…and safely tucked it away…kind of for comfort i guess..you can get through this..its just tough…hang in there.

July 21, 2007

you can get through this, just take long deep breaths, if your not feeling 100% then PLEASE go see someone, you say you dont want to hurt yourself…well…what are you doing now? I know you are trying to eat jello, but you really need to eat something with calcium even half a sandwhich with cheese or at the least, a piece of bread or a glass of milk. I know its hard, but try stay safe xxx

July 21, 2007

*hugs* take car sweetie!

July 21, 2007

i know exactly what you mean. i’ve attempted to throw out my razors before, and i just buy more. it doesn’t make it any better. it’s just comforting knowing that they’re there if you need them. like a safety blanket. you might not use them, but the option is there. xox.

July 21, 2007

Thanks. It makes sense. Like having a safety net.

July 21, 2007

It doesn’t sound crazy, I’ve tried to explain it many times, But People seem to think that by taking your razors away from you it fixes things, what they dont understand is that just knowing they’re there is enough to stop you cutting at all alot of the time. It’s when you dont have them that everything seems so much worse, The world falls appart and you have to cut. Muchlove xxx Elisha

July 22, 2007

i doubt you will gain over it, hope your ok xx

July 22, 2007

I apoligise for the graphics, but last month I threw out a tea-towel I used to use to clean up blood when I cut. It was covered in blood, but I never wanted to throw it out before. Could it be that you’re in chaos now and you don’t even know it? And throwing out the rasors only feels like chaos because you’re not used to it, when in actual fact it’s getting you a little less out-of-chaos?