Date

I went on a date Friday night.
With Courtney’s friend, Ryan.
We met several weeks ago at her house and he laughed at all my jokes, and that’s the most attractive thing a guy can do – if you ask me.
He asked me out and I felt kind of awkward (because he and Courtney have dated previously, and he was in love with her, she broke his heart – but she knows they’re perfect together, and that is why she won’t date him again, because she’s afraid of her feelings and the seriousness their relationship would be), so I suggested getting coffee so we could kind of get to know each other better without doing the actual “date” thing. That went pretty well. And he planned a date date for Friday.
My feelings were that he would make a great friend, but I just didn’t feel a real “attraction” to him. But I reluctantly let him take me out, because I don’t know how to let a guy down easy.
He was a perfect gentlemen, chivalrous and polite. I hated it. Which is ridiculous because most girls dream of a man treating them like a lady.
We went to a movie after dinner and he put his arm around me and was like, rubbing my shoulder/brushing his fingers back and forth across it – and all I could think of was Andy, and how much he HATES when I do that to him, touch him repetitively in the same spot.
He tried to kiss me at the end of the night…I. put my hand over his mouth. and pushed him away! …how awkward am I?

I just, couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kiss him. I told him “not this time”. But I don’t know if I can even go out with him again, much less kiss him.
Not that he isn’t a great guy, he is. To be cliche, it’s not him…it’s me.
Or, really, it’s Andy. I don’t want to be kissed by lips that aren’t his.