Choosing me…For once…

Letting you go is something I ever saw myself doing. You have been a constant in my life since I was 19 years old….I explained my pain to you. I opened up to you about everything. When ever I was going through hell you were the person I ran to and talked to, you always listened and told me everything was going to be okay. Even in the times it never felt like it. I fell in love with you. Even though I never thought I would be good enough to be noticed by you, Or so I thought. We had our chance and we tried things. However you decided that I had to be something other then who I was to be enough for you. I had to give up things that I actually like and enjoyed because you were not confident as a man to trust me. You broke me in ways that a woman should never be broken down. Everytime I mentioned doing something that would not fit into your lifestyle I had to give it up. It was always about me fitting into your life. Everything that you loved about me you also always hated about me at the same time. You would tell me that you loved my charming personality and the easy way I had with things. You loved how easy it was to talk to me. You told me that I could calm the storm that raged inside you and you loved that. Until you saw that it was this way with everyone that I met. when you realized that I had close guy friends and I hung out with them and had a good time…that’s when everything you loved about me became an issue. “I know how guys think and what they want because I am one and all your guy friends are friends with you because they want to sleep with you” I had to watch what I said around you because you were so quick to “correct me” If I became thin you wouldn’t want to be with me because I would no longer be attractive to you. You would never be able to trust me being around other people because you were afraid that other people would try and take me away. I can never be what you want me to be…because I don’t want to give up what makes me me. So I walked away…and it hurts…More then you know…I know you may hate me…I would rather be hated by you then controlled by you. I can not allow you to hold me back from Being the best version of me. I am sorry that I don’t want to be a stay at home obedient Jewish wife. I am sorry that I don’t want to stop playing Dungeons and Dragons because you do not like the type of characters that I make. I am sorry that I have attractive personality and people love being around me,,,You know what on second thought I am not sorry. I should never have to stop being true to who I am just to be loved by you. You should have been able to love me for who I was. So please go live your life. Go find what makes you happy. I hope you find the love of your life. So many people want me to hate you. I dom’t though and I never can. I just wont share the same pace in this life time with you. I choose me. something I should have done years ago.