The E-Mail

  Ever since finding out that Rachel had a boyfriend, I stepped back on my pursuit of her but maintained the friendship with her that I had assured her I would maintain. So many guys, when they find out a girl isn’t interested in them, quickly drop contact with a girl altogether. I never understood that, but then again, I was never in it for the ‘booty’ as it were. If I find someone to be a really cool person, guy or girl, I will befriend them and maintain that friendship for what it is. As in the case with Rachel, if it wasn’t going to be anything more, so be it.

  Over the last few months, our friendship and contact had been relegated mostly to IM conversations over the computer.  I had nothing going on and her boyfriend worked until 11:30 at night. Neither one of us had anything better going on so we just chatted about anything and everything.

   A few months after Annette’s party, Rachel’s Birthday came around. I may have sent her a quick E-mail wishing her a happy birthday, I don’t remember for sure, but sent me an E-mail that she wrote in the middle of the night. It was introspective, yet cryptic. It started with “So this is my life…” She had just turned 25 and I deduced that her life was not where she wanted to be. More importantly, she was not happy. That was the worst part about the E-mail. I held the belief that if I could not be with her, I took solace in knowing she was happy, even if it was with someone else. Now, neither one seemed to be the case.

  Now I was left wondering why did she send me this E-mail? Was she giving me an opening? Did she just need to vent to someone, anyone? In the end all I took out of it was that she was unhappy and I wanted to be the one to change that. I wanted to ‘Fix it’.

  Over the next few weeks we would chat online and I was very supportive of her. I think she was really happy to have a friend like me and I kept telling her that above all else we were friends and that I would always be there for her. The trouble was, the more we chatted and the more I got to know her, the more my crush on her grew.