I’m on drugs and I cannot stop
I’m on drugs and I cannot stop, it feels like if I don’t take it I might swing to the other side of life. You know you are jammed when the first thing you think of every single day is about a particular drug. Addiction is a great killer, be conscious and careful before you self destruct because the brain is wired to keep asking for more once it gets convenient. I’m an artist and student who’s scaling through the dark sides of life presently. The feeling of hope , big dreams and I must say “drugs” help me to keep some happiness too, sadly. I hope to become a better person but I hope I’m able to get to see the light at the end of the tunnel before it darks out. I’ll be great mark my words! It’s not meant to be easy so I believe I’m going through these darks times just to groom me to the bigger future bigger than my current shoulders. I know I’m built differently!!!
“I’ll be great mark my words! ”
Yes you will. Keep going with that positive attitude. You got this!<3
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Drugs are hard! I struggle with anxiety and benzodiazepines helped so good till they wouldn’t help anymore. You got this
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I am very empathetic to the experience you are living, as I have lost many loved ones and close friends to the allure of drugs. Drugs can hug your soul, lighten your load, inject a tingle of euphoria into the otherwise drab terrain and heaviness of human existence.
The horrible and unfair part about this experience is that all of the allure, all of the comfort and joy that drugs bring, are but illusions. The are actual illusions chemically manipulating you to think that you love them and that they make you feel good, and using dopamine and neuronal synapses, the create an abyss in which you are rocked back and forth in the feeling of the high, and want to come back for more rocking in a more visceral way than you remember all the hardships and lack of control and comfort that the drugs actually bring you. Drug addiction brings a cloud of shame. Shame is one of the strongest and most painful emotions in my opinion. Shame is a hard and heavy thumb to get out from under. The shame brought onto you by yourself and maybe others or the world is also an illusion, as everything really is an illusion, and you can overcome all of this brain fuckery. NO DOUBT. Many have, and many more will, and so can and will you. <3
With Love<3
@zucchini thanks. Do you also deal with that ?
@beatbyfancy Hey. Not exactly. I did indulge in my younger days. I am no so much enticed by the allure of mind altering substances at this point in my life. I stopped really using anything illegal in 2010 when I started nursing school. I made a vow to myself and to my patients, really, that I would try to be my best. But, I can’t lie… I am not my best. I drink too much, too often. But, for me that means sometimes not even weekly. My biggest ADDICTION is sugar actually. I am VERY overweight at this time and I am engaged in a love affair/addiction with.
The problem really is that I am controlled by the allure of sugar. I use food in general as a maladaptive coping mechanism, and something within me is pulled towards eating and overeating and OVER indulging – to the point that I am experiencing failing myself, not practicing what I preach, and not following through with what I want for myself, my life and my body. SO….it is not drugs. I don’t even smoke marijuana at this point in my life. But, It feels to me like a drug addiction. It controls my life. It leaves me inflamed and uncomfortable. It makes me a liar. It makes me feel like I look weak and have no self control. It makes me a hypocrite – to myself and my patients. So – different. I am not stealing peoples things to buy food. I do however hide the amount of food that I eat. I lie – by omission of providing information about how much, when and what I eat – to those closest around me. But – due to my ever growing body habitus – it is not really a secret to anyone.
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