Wednesday 11/22/23

6:02a.m. I’m getting better. I don’t feel  ired andw weak. My stomach isn’t queazy. I’m not experiencing arthritis pain or muscle spasms. I think I’m getting over d hito me the last few days. Also, the quality of care I proved last night. The aides came in to change my briefs on a regular basis. Things are looking up for a change.

But I dad some very wild and vivid nightmares yesterday. I had this one dream where Chococolatechip and I were married. But we got into a terrible fight. I had a rifle and pointed it at her. I was going to shoot her. She cried and pleaded then I couldn’t do it.What scared me the most was it seemed so real. It was almost like a hallucination. I had many other bad dreams but this was the worst.

Thank God it was only a dream. I couldn’t do that to my worst enemy let alone the love of my life. I hope I don’t ever have another one I just described.  

8:14a.m. I had my drinks and breakfast. They served biscuits and gravy with scrambled eggs. I only ate half of the biscuits which tasted doughy.  I didn’t touch the eggs. I was afraid both would make me sick. I definitely do not want to be throwing up again. I was looking forward to a  good breakfast but I got to watch what I eat.: 

Chococolatechip is having a good day.She put up her Christmas tree. This is also the start of baking season She was busy making cookie dough for first batch of Christmas cookies.i think she was going to try making vinegar cookies. This is something new she said. 

I’m having a  so so day I would be better if I wasn’t going through ordinary aches and pains of old age. 

10:47a.m. I made it to the coffee social. I had one cup. It is just as well because I should be limiting my caffeine intake. It can be hard on the stomach. My mood is a bit better but I’m still dealing with aches and pains I swear, getting old ain’t for sissies

I also chatted was with my psych doctor. I told her about being sick since Sunday about throwing up and feeling run down. She asked how my girlfriend was doing. I did she put her tree up today and started baking for the holidays. We talked about Chococolatechip and I said we been together for sixteen years. She asked how we met. I said we were friends for a long time living in the same apartment building.

We talked about other things as well. She asked if I’ve been reading I said I haven’t read since Sunday. Then I was supposed to have a doctor’s appointment yesterday. It was cancelled because I was sick. She said it can be rescheduled. Then she asked when Chococolatechip was coming for a visit. I said December 11. She said that was good. 

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to the social or not. But after the talk with the doctor I thought why not? I haven’t been out of my room in four days. It just might do me some good I said. I’m glad I decided to go. 

2:17p.m. I ate a good bit of my lunch. They served two big pieces of Salisbury steak with mushrooms and gravy, broccoli,potato wedges,a dinner roll and pineapple tide bits for desert. I ate one piece of Salisbury steak and nibbled on the rest. Lunch was delicious. I just couldn’t eat it all for fear of getting sick.  After I ate got help in getting back to my room. Then I called Chocolatschip.

I got my butt chewed out. Chococolatechip was pissed at me for calling her so many times this morning. She was very,very busy with her baking and cleaning up. She said I should show more consideration. We had a chat about this and other things. I dId I was very sorry and won’t do that again. 

After we talked I was ready for bed. I rang the call light. Today I didn’t  have long to sit for help. I’m in bed now with clean briefs on. I’m glad I’m in bed. Now that I’m feeling better I hope to get back to reading Wolves of the Calla by Stephen King .

4:38a.m. I didn’t read this afternoon. I don’t know why I can’t get back to reading. I guess too much crap was floating around in my mind. I was worrying about Chococolatechip. Then I started ruminating about Thanksgiving and Christmas. I thought about my long lost family and the meals we had on the Holidays. I thought about how Chococolatechip and I used to go to the Senior Center in Weirton for Thanksgiving. Then on Christmas she would always make a special meal. She always did treat me like a king. I started to miss her and got very depressed. I thought how Thanksgiving and Christmas would be just another day in the nursing home. 

Reading always helps keeps these bad thoughts at bay. But they just came over me this afternoon. I felt a major meltdown coming on because I got so depressed I wanted to breakdown and cry.Maybe I can get back to it after supper. 

6:30p.m. I wasn’t too hungry but I forced myself to eat some supper. I had a piece of chicken and some noodles. Then I ate a very a very small piece of cake. I also drank a glass of fruit punch. At least I didn’t get sick or bloated. 

I got to start eating again. The last thing I want is to be put on tube feeding. But I seemed to have lost my appetite after being so sick. Looking at food makes me want to throw up. Eating seems such a chore anymore. I am eating more with each passing day. Maybe my appetite will eventually improve  I hope.

I called Chocolatschip after I ate.  This turned out to be a bad day for her. She went on about the Bitch Clique The Clique is breaking up she said. This one girl was booted out. She was talking to Chococolatechip about it yesterday. Chococolatechip said that was the first time they talked in ages and she felt sorry for the girl. I said this person will find someone to latch on too 

Well tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Chococolatechip will have a nice meal delivered courtesy of the Weirton Senior Center. I hope nothing goes wrong with that. Then her daughter Anne will  bring over a dinner. So she can save one for Friday. 

We talked for about a half hour after supper. Then she wanted to say goodnight. I’m left with yet another long and long night alone.

I’ve