Tuesday 9/23/22

12:04am I’m still in my wheelchair. It has been nineteen hours. I think this has been a record. I’m too tired to be mad. I fell asleep while reading my boo. I didn’t quit make it through Chapter sixteen. I till have another fifteen pages left to read. Oh well. I’m not at West Liberty I still think I can finish that book What Hath God Wrought by next Saturday. That is my main reading goal.

I had a nice quiet evening with little pain. I was reading an interesting chapter called ” American Renaissance.” It was about the early years of American culture. I sort of enjoyed reading about this subject. The author talked about such figures as Nathaniel Hawthorne, Herman Melville Edgar and Allen Poe. I read their works first from an American Lit class at West Lib. I wasn’t too interested in the subject back then but I am now

I would like to stay up and read. I’m wide awake now. When I woke up I wheeled myself to the nurse’s station. I had a couple of cookies and a pbj. This was the second sandwich I had for the night. The snacks seemed to perk me up. I think I can finish that chapter after all.  I wonder if I’ll ever get to bed tonight.

6:08 I was put to bed at one. i was tired, very tired. But I still had a hard time in falling asleep. I must of slept in some because I had a very weird dream. I was dreaming about my first wife Debbie We h ad an apartment and got it fixed ed up really nice. We had all new furniture and a TV. Then her brother paid us a visit. He and I were sitting in the living room watching TV. There was this weird show on about men dressed as women. Debbie came in and we all watched this show together.

Then Terry Bradshaw came into the picture. Right away I was after him saying that the Steelers suck. They did not have a good team in years We talk about football for the longest time. Then he started singing.i got mad when Bradshaw started to come on to my wife. I chased him out of the apartment ibut couldn’t catch him. Outside he turned into a cat and ran under the porch.

I go back inside. The nice apartment turned into a dump. There was no new furniture, no carpeting or TV. Debbie answered the door. She had turned into an old woman with a wrinkle all hover her face. She’s saw e with a bewhildered looka d let out a hideous laugh.

Aides came in around six. She got me out of bed. At first I wanted to use the hoyer. They said if I don’t use my legs I will lose them. With their help I was able to get up in my wheelchair. But it hurt like hell.

So I’m above the dirt. I’m faced with yet another day in the nursing home. I’m grateful to be alive After that nightmare about my ex wife I m so glad she is not in my life.

9:34am I had the usual breakfast. It was two slices of toast, scrambled eggs oatmeal and a banana. The caregiver two cups of coffee were hot and the oj cold. I must of been hungry because I ate it

I talked with Chocolatechip after eating. She had a good night with no oiahrea. She said she was thinking about Wayne. I said I wrote about him in last nigid. I said well, he ht’s entry. He probably died all alone she said. I said didn’t he spit a hocker on your door knob one time? She said he was sorry for a lot of things he did. He told her one time he was afraid of going to hell. I said hope that doesn’t happen. I Chocolatechip had to end our conversation because she had work to do.

I thought I’d end up sleeping in my wheelchair. Instead I read/ listened to my book What Hath God Wrought by Daniel Walker Howe I started to read chapter seventeen which discusses the American settlement of Texas and the Revolution of 1836. This is a ery interesting chapter but  got sleety. I ended up going to the nurse’s station for a pbj. Once back in my room I called Chocolatechip. We talked until her sister Fett me until her sister Kathleen called

I just got my menu for today. For lunch butter baked fish with blended vegetables, paprika potatoes, a dinner roll and Strawberry ambrosia. For dinner I’m having it for a grilled turkey and Swiss sandwich, tater tots and Snickerdoodle cookies. Food isn’t as bad as it sounds and it’s better than going hungry. The important thing is they serve pleanty of coffee.

I’m doing ok this morning. I don’t feel as tired?! Or overwhelmed by finances. I’m not in too much pain and I ha only two incontinence episodes  This has been a good morning

1:33pm I love baked fish so lunch was delicious. I also had two cups of hot coffee and a fruit punch. Coffee came in time because I was getting tired. Thanks to my afternoon caffeine fix I I’m wide awake and ready to go. I think I can finish reading that ch about Texas  by supper. Perhaps I can read chapter 18 tonight and finish that book by Friday.

I called Chocolatechip after lunch. She was bummed out a bit. First, she got chewed out by her sister Kathleen. Chocolatechip was in Trinity West a few months ago Kathleen was upset because she was never told. Kathleen felt Chocolatechip should of been told her. I said I bet Kathleen doesn’t tell you everything that goes on in her life. Chocolatechip but that is an excellent point. From what Chocolatechip told me those two never did get along very well. Sort of reminds me of my sister.

Second, her worker never showed today. Chocolatechip was bummed an out that.The worker was having a very bad day yesterday. Her back was causing a lot of pain. Then she was worried about her daughter. The worker’s one daughter has cerebral paulsly. She i s wondering have ow she will be taken care of. I said I hope the worker doesn’t quit on you. Normally she does a great job. I hope she doesn’t quit.

We talked a little about her friend Don, from Steubenville. Did dad is slipping a c getting worse each day. He might not make it. The dad needs to be placed in a home.  Don has a lot of problems himself both physical and mental

We talked for awhile then I had to go.I had to get changed. I had very nice aides who didn’t yell at me for getting pee on the floor

5:15pm I had a sleepy afternoon. I tried to read my book but got too tired. I sort of slept on and off all afternoon. Then I had a a scare. I found out my tablet wasn’t charging. I asked an aide and she said I needed to press the reset button on the phone adaptor.Thank goodness all is well in that department.

I talked with Chocolatechip. She is is doing ok. Her daughter Anne came for a visit Anne bright money for the laundry card. Chocolatechip is pretty high functioning and can handle her own money. This was a hardship month because she had to buy a new air bed. We talked on the phone and on messenger.

Just had my four o’clock pill. The nursing home has me on so many meds I don’t know what I’m taking. I take about a half dozen on the morning and a half dozen at night. I have no idea why. I was on three meds at home all push meds.  I never knew I was so sick until I came here.

6:11pm I don’t know why I feel so depressed right now. I was talking to Chocolatechip after supper. She was kind of down herself. Chocolatechip said she had to apply for ah new cell phone through insurance wireless. In think we are both going through the end of the month blues. Then Chocolatechip said something that might of triggered the depression. She said I don’t know how you did it all those years without contact from your family.

I’m very touchy about my lack of a relationship with my so called family. I have gotten used to it after all these years but I guess it still hurts. I tried to reach out to them . I contacted them on FB gave them my phone number and still no replies. Therapist I was seeing said I did all I could. But somehow I feel this was not enough. Then again it takes two to be in a relationship and you can’t make people be a part of your life.

Anyways family talk brings me down because I have nobody but Chocolatechip. I don’t get any calls nor do they come for a visit. I was written off, disowned and forgotten. If I sound like I’m having a massive pitty party I apologize. But that is how I see things and it isn’t a very pleasant view.

So I am all alone in this world except for Chocolatechip.Then again a man is never alone when he is sitting in a comfortable chair in the middle of his library. I have over a hundred books on my Kindle app. This means I have over a hundred friends. These books  have provided more pleasure than most of the people I knew. Books have been my constant companions, wisest of teachers all of my life. They have been my true friends then helping me get through many many hard times.

I don’t know.. I take solace in reading. I get lost in a good book. After a reading session I emerge from a world transformed into a new man. All worldly cares are forgotten as are all my financial problems. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle my issues head on.

9:24pm I didn’t idnt reach my reading goal of two chaptetd. I’m about h already through chapter 18.. I read the first two sections of this chapter. I think they are goin to be about The Mexican s Wa