Tuesday 2/15/22

7:43am I feel miserable this morning. I didn’t have a good night. I had a few incontinence episodes. To make matters worse I dropped the call light on the floor. I called the front office to get some help but nobody came until it was time to get up at 5:30. So I spent half the night lying in urine Also, for some reason, I was very anxious and could not get to sleep.

Funny, I couldn’t sleep all night but I slept in my chair until breakfast. I had two slices of toast, scrambled eggs and hot cereal. For drinks I had two coffees and a glass of juice. I feel somewhat better but still feel very depressed. I feel that things are pretty well hopeless and are not getting any better.

Then I called my girlfriend, Chocolatechip. She was up half the night as well. Chocolatechip is on this new med for pneumonia. She is afraid to take it because there are a lot of bad side effects. One is blindness. She is afraid of going blind if she takes the med. Chocolatechip said she is going to call her doctor to see about a different med.

We talked for awhile about different things. She said she called Cognitive Medical Practice. She told them about all the symptoms she been experiencing. They were of no help at all. They said she should talk with Rachel, her nurse practitioner. Then she went on about her sister Elaine. Elaine wants to be her medical power of attorney. Chocolatechip is afraid to trust any of her family. She is afraid they will place her in a group home.

Chocolatechip experienceed depression episodes store. But she was never this bad. She was telling me that she thinks she should be placed in a nursing home or group home. I never heard her talk like this before. She must be very, very depressed. She said she talked about getting into Northwood. I didn’t say anything but I think this might be her best choice. But I honestly do not know.

I feel really bad for her. I felt so helpless because I didn’t know how to help her. All I could do was offer words of encouragement but this did not seem to help? Then I said we are both going down the tubes at the same time. She said I’m in a good place. But I’m worried about Chocolatechip. I feel like shit because I can’t fix her problems. All I can do is listen and offer feedback.

2:17pm I had a pork roast, peas, mashed potatoes with gravy,a dinner roll and jello for desert. I had the all important cup of coffee and a glass of fruit juice. A good meal always makes me feel better. I talked with Chocolatechip after lunch. She is doing better. Chocolatechip called her pharmacist about the pneumonia med. The pharmacist said that it is ok to take the med. The chances of her going blind from it are one in a million. Also, her worker came. Both took a load off het mind.

I felt better as well. I had physical therapy today. I did fairly well but it was hard are first. I had a two day break and it was hard to get back into it. We walked down the hall first. She said I walked a total of 42 feet I thought this wasn’t too bad. Then we went back to my room where we did leg exercises. Again I had trouble moving my left leg but I did all the exercises. She said it was a good session.

Lunch and exercises perked me up in the afternoon. But I was a zombie in the morning. Like I said I felt so depressed. I slept in my wheelchair most of the morning. I did manage to look up James MacGregor Burns on Wikipedia. I liked this author so much I wanted to learn more about him. I just glanced at the article. I’ll have to read it over again before I can say anything about him.

I have not read yet My goal is to read two chapters today. I better get to it.

8:27pm I didn’t read at all today. I got so depressed this afternoon. I just sat in my wheelchair and stared at the was. I was thinking all kinds of thoughts. Mostly I was thinking about Chocolatechip. I was so worried about her. I also felt so helpless. I think I got depressed because I couldn’t help her like she helped me so many times. I was in this funky mood until supper.

Supper was lousy. It consisted of a grilled cheese sandwiches, tater tots and tomatoes soup. I ate the grilled cheese sandwich but couldn’t eat the soup or the tater tots. The soup was cold and I had mashed potatoes for lunch. No matter how you fix potatoes they are still potatoes. One serving of potato a day is enough for me.

What little I did eat made me sick. I felt very bloated and it was painful. I also felt very constipated. Heck, I felt like that all day long. I think this was another thing that made me depressed. I don’t know All I know is I felt like shit all day long.

Chocolatechip talks with her NP tomorrow. I hope she gets some help. She needs to tell this person everything that has been going on. From what she tells me I think she is going through a major depressive episode. It will not go away without some major changes such as a med adjustment. I don’t know I do know that what she is experiencing is beyond my ability to help. I think this is making me very depressed.

In any case Chocolatechip will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight. I pray this Rachel person will help her. I pray we will both have a better day tomorrow.