Thursday 9/21/23

8:28a.m. I had a bad night. First, I didn’t get changed until they woke me up at six. Then I had some very bad dreams. I had Mafia dreams again. I was a member of this crew in Follansbee. I was in the Convenient store trying to extort money from the owner. I said my guys will burn down his store if he doesn’t pay . Later on we got in a war with another gang thing to take over our territory.

I don’t know much about this part. I remember walking down Main Street in Follansbee. I was looking for members of this other gang.i wanted to fight them. During this war peoplek on both sides were getting killed. I wanted to seek revenge. This was when an aide woke me up.

I wasn’t doing very well this morning. I had a lot of aches and pAttains. I swear getting old isn’t for sissies. I slept in my wheelchair until they served drinks and breakfast. Coffee and juice made me feel better. But breakfast was lacking. I had cold toast and scrambled eggs But it got me going.

I called Chocolatschip after I ate. She didn’t have a good night thanks to nightmares. In her dream she was attacked by pit bulls. We talked about our respective dreams. We talked for the longest time about a lot of different things. Then she wanted to fix breakfast so we said our goodbyes

10:50a.m. I think this is going to be one of those days.i haven’t been changed since six o’clock. Also been very very tired. I feel like I just worked a double. I slept in my wheelchair this morning. I woke up around ten. Damned aide wouldn’t change me when he answered!my call light. I waited for a half hour then headed to the Fiesta Room for coffee.

I just had my first cup. Already I’m in a better mood. I swear there is something magical about coffee. It makes me feel good all over. I hope I can get a second cup.

12:46p.m. I had two coffees and two glasses of chocolate milk. Lunch was delicious. I had Sicilian roast beef, creamed potatoes, mixed veggie, a dinner roll and jello. I ate everything but the veggies. I also read a couple chapters in The Talisman. Then I made my way back to my room. I had a good time at the social.

I’m afraid I got very constipated. It feels like a truck is trying to come out of my butt. It hurts like hell Moments !I!e this make me wish I can give up eating altogether. It is so friggin painful to have a BM or even pass gas. I’m a firm believer in karma. Whenever I hurt like this I think it is payback time for all the stupid things if in my life.

2:41p.m. I finially got my briefs changed.Male aide came in around 1:30. He got me in bed, cleaned me up and put cream on my butt and thighs. Then he changed my briefs. I was starting to have a major meltdown but I’m much better now. I will say he did a great job. But I should be changed more than twice a day.

Chocolatechip, who used to be an LPN in a nursing home, said I should be changed every two hours. At least they should have someone come around to check on me. It isn’t like that here I said. We are at their mercy here. I went on to say Michelle, the ombudsman said care was a problem everywhere.

4:24 p.m. I fell asleep for an hour or so. Chocolatechip called. She was having terrible nicotine cravings. Chocolatechip said she just wanted one cigar. I said if you break down now you’ll be back up to a pack a day. Having one is like trying to eat one potato chip.I tried to help her as we talked for twenty minutes. I said think of all the money you will save

I told her about how I quit for ten years. After ten years I had a very strong craving. Just one I said. I ended up bumming a cigarette from my then girlfriend. One was all it took and I was back up to a pack a day. It has been my experience that there is no such thing as one cigarette.

Chocolatechip quit on September 4.She has seventeen nicotine free days under her belt. I said you do not need nicotine. I said you came this far. You proved to yourself you do not need that shit. Stick with the program I sad I am so proud of you.

We talked for about twenty minutes. She said the cravings are not as bad now. Chocolatechip wanted to get something to eat so we said our goodbyes. I only hope I was of some kind ofhelp.

6:16p.m. I swear I wish I can stop eating. Lunch made me constipated. I ate supper and that made !e very painfully bloated. Used to have a good appetite But anymore food makes me sick. I was so bloated I couldn’t drink my coffee.

I talked with Chocolatechip after dinner. She reported her cravings were not so bad. She thanked me for talking her through it. I was only too glad to help. I said whenever you get cravings call. It doesn’t matter what time of day. We talked for a few minutes then she went to bed.

I didn’t read this afternoon. I hope I can read tonight but I still feel pretty sick. On a scale of one to five the pain is a between a two and a three. But I’m not going to let that stop me.