Sunday 4/10/22

1:07pm I was  up all night again. I just couldn’t sleep. Aids came to put me to bed around 10:30. I had two very nice aids who shaved me.v I had the one girl who lgot to talking with her. First, I asked her if the nursing home monitors your coffee Internet activities. She said she didn’t know. I told her about the conversation with “Ally.” The girl who likes me said a lot of people complain about Mean Bitch and Asshole. She also said I need to report them. I told her I reported Asshole but not Mean Bitch.

I laid in bed all night. They got me up at six. I was dressed in a clean gown. The girl who likes me asked how my night went.bi say I’d lousy. I must of had some sleep because I had nightmares She said a lot of people had bad nights. She asked if I remembered my dreams. I said no.

I. couldn’t sleep in bed but I slept in my wheelchair until bre akfast. I had a slice of ham, pancakes and hot cereal. For drinks I had coffee and oj. I called Chocolatechip after breakfast . She seemed funny. She said somebody was knocking on her door last night. Chocolatechip is sure it wasn’t a dream. She thinks her she is coming down with a cold. Our conversation was very brief because she had to take care of business.

I didn’t have a very good morning. Arthritis in both knees were bothering me. I was also worried about Chocolatechip. I thought she was mad at me. I told her that the aid who likes me gave me a hug last night. This might of made her mad. In any case I havent heard from Chocolatechip. I was kind of worried about her.

I tried sleeping in my wheelchair. Pain and worry kept me up. I wanted another cup of coffee but had to wait until lunch. Lunch finally came. I had chicken with dressing and mixed veggies. I had a peach pie for desert. I got my coffee and fruit punch. Lunch perked me up and I’m determined to have a better afternoon.

6:16pm Afternoon was bad. I was in a shitty mood. Two nights in a row of no sleep doesn’t make anyone feel good. I just felt like hell. Chocolatechip wasn’t in a very good mood either. We chatted on Messenger. She talked about someone banging their fist on her door early in the morning. She couldn’t imagine who or why someone would do this.I said it is a low life coward doing it.  Then she went  on about how she thinks all her neighbors hate her. I said fuck your nehibors for they are all low life scumbags. We cut our chat session short because she had to get ready for a pt appointment Monday.

I tried to cheer her up but wasn’t much help. Like I said I was very,very depressed and tired. It is hard to be of any use to anyone when you’re in that state. I was so tired of everything, the incontinence and arthritis pain. I was so tired of not sleeping at night. I was tired of sitting in this damned uncomfortable wheelchair all day. I was just plain tired of everything.

But I must not of been too depressed. I had a good supper of a hot roast beef sandwich, mashed potatoes with gravy and green beans. Supper cheered me up a bit especially the hot coffee and fruit punch. For desert I had a dish of pears.

It is after six. I’ve been in this wheelchair for over twelve hours. I would love to go to bed now. But something tells me I will up until past midnight. Something tells me I will have yet another shitty night. Something tells me it is going to be the same old shit Monday