Saturday 8/3/24

4:45a.m. I had a couple weird dreams. I remember this one dream . I was driving on a dirt road through the woods. I was going up this mountain. It was all tore up by mining.in the valley below was al spooky little village. The houses and cars were covered in soot from the mines. All of a sudden I was headed down towards the village. I got an overwhelming feeling that something very bad will happen. I wanted to turn around but couldn’t. The feeling got string got stronger as I got closer and closer to this strange town.i don’t know what happened because the aide woke me up to change my briefs.

I’m dressed and in my wheelchair already. The aide gave me a choice and I opted to get up. After that was dream I wasn’t too eager to get back to sleep anyways. Besides I hate eating in bed and I can go to the coffee social today.

So far I’m feeling ok. I’m not coughing my fool head off. I think this might be a better day.

8:17a.m. I’ve been reading the New York Times while waiting for breakfast. I read four or five interesting articles. At one point Trump attacked Kamala Harris for suddenly turning Black. Her mother was from India. Her father was from Jamaica. Harris has always identified herself as a Black woman. But that is beside the point.

The article said that Trump is is trying to cast Harris in a bad light. Somehow, because of her cultural background, Harris is not one of us. Her difference family heritage makes her not an American. Therefore she cannot be trusted to be President . The article went on to say that this is an old trick done by many politicians. But Trump hask taken it to new heights, or lows

Harris herself has not focused on this issue. I think this is a good thing. I believe the American people deserve a candidate that focuses on the problems that gave us. We need to elect the best person for the job regardless of race, ethnicity or gender. I think Kamala Harris is doing this and she is the better candidate than Trump.

Ok I’m off my soap box. I just had a good breakfast. They served in scrambled eggs, hash browns and a banana muffin. I ate it allnand it didn’t make me sick.

10:22a.m. I’m proud of myself. I made it to the coffee social. I had one cup and left. I made it back to my room just in time. This has been the first time I’ve been out of my room in weeks. I saw Norman. He was reading a Stephen King book Under the Dome. We said hi to each other and that was it. Still, I had a good time.

I stopped at the nurse’s station. I told the nurse I’ve been having this so called cough for two weeks. It is getting worse. I wanted to know what is being done about it. She said I’ve been treated and gave me some cough syrup. I said that is like treating cancer with a band aid. Nurse wasn’t very friendly or helpful. I don’t know what else I can do.

I talked with Chocolatechip. Chocolatechip is not having a good day. She is basically burned out from people using her. Then she was upset with.becausel she felt helpless over my illness. She said I need to speak up again because she can’t stand to see me so sick. I did speak up and the nursing home isn’t doing anything about it. She is just having a bad day. At least I hope that’s all.

12:23p.m. I’m feeling very depressed for a number of reasons. First, Chocolatechip isn’t returning my calls. She was very upset and depressed this morning. She was burned out with everything she said. I in return felt very lonely because I had nobody to talk with. Then the lingering illness is getting me down. I am upset because the nursing home is not helping me get better.

But the big thing is I’m not getting any care. I’m soaked to the gills. I had the call light on all friggin morning. Not one lousy CNA answered it. Well, one did answer around noon She said I’ll have to wait because it was too close to lunch. So I’ve been sitting in urine half the morning. This alone would make anyone depressed.

I’m really worried about Chocolatechip. All kinds of crap was running through my head. Namely, I was wondering if she still wanted to be in a relationship with me. She sounded so despondent on the phone going on about Eddie the Mooch and others. She was very upset about me being sick. she felt helpless and couldn’t take it anymore. Chocolatechip was very, very burned out about everything. This sort of made me feel like shit because I couldn’t help feel responsible.

So I’ve been sitting in my wheelchair brooding about all of this shit. As a result I blew everything out of proportion. This only made me feel worse. Then sitting in urine only added to my misery. Consequently, this was not a good day.

I’m feeling somewhat better now. They served a turkey sandwich, pasta salad and vanilla ice cream. Food always makes me feel better..

5:07p.m. The aides got to me at 2:30. They said we are getting two showers a week. So my shower days are on Tuesday and Saturday. I got a good shower today. I began feeling better after getting cleaned and put in bed. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading The New York Times. I also talked with Chocolatechip. She was feeling better and that made me feel better.

They are about to serve dinner.Tonight I’m having braised pork with pepper &onions, Italian broccoli, pan fried potatoes, s dinner roll and strawberry stripe cake. I’m not too hungry but I’ll probably eat it. I’m never too sick for food.

My cough wasn’t so bad today. I still have it. Maybe I’m getting better. I don’t know. I do know this bug or whatever it was knocked me on my butt for two weeks. I’m hoping the worse is over.

6:33p.m. I had a pretty good supper. Then I talked with Chocolatechip. She talked a little bit about Eddie the Mooch. This is getting to be a very touchy subject with me. But I listened to her . She said she must of been out of her mind. I didn’t respond except to say he was using you. She agreed. Once again she said she will not answer her door to anyone. I said all they want is to get whatever they can from you. They prey on the elderly and lonely people. She agreed. I only pray she means it this time.

I thought we had a nice talk. We ended on a good note. Chocolatechip was listening to videos on you tube while we talked. Shel started to sing if you’re going to San Francisco… That brought back memories when I tried to hitchhike to San Francisco. I was a wanna be hippie. But I made it as far as Denver, Colorado. I was telling her this story and we both got a laugh.

I hope to do some more reading tonight. I must be feeling better because I’ve been reading almost every night. I’m getting interested in The Edge by David Baldacci. It is about a man named Travis Devine. He is a former Army Ranger now working for a super secret government agency. His current assignment is to investigate the murder of Jen Silkwell. She was a CIA operative. The CIA might believe that her murder was done by assassins out to steal important secrets . It is a good story

7:57p.m. I can’t concentrate on my book tonight. For one thing I’m drenched in urine. I can’t get help to save my soul. I’m getting very upset and angry. I hate lying in my own filth. It is so frigging humiliating having incontinence. What makes it more do is not being able to control my bladder. It just comes right out of me. Then I can’t get the help when I need it. Why am I in a nursing home? I could by lying in filth back in Misery Towers.

The nurse just gave me my evening meds. I told her I was soaked down there and need help. She said the same aides are making their rounds. This is small comfort because I can’t wait all night. I need help now!

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ijme