Saturday 8/17/24

10:21a.m. I’m above the dirt. I had someone crazy dreams about Misery Towers. In this dream I was talking to one of the maintenance men I was going on about how that place seems to attract low life scumbags. I went on about how I had to walk a chalk line when I first moved in. Now the new people can do whatever they want. The halls smell like pot. Couples live together and people do whatever the hell they want. He didn’t Ike what I had to say but he agreed. 

I had another dream where I was an Indian fighter in the old west. A tribe of warriors was attacking our wagon train. I was trying to shoot them with my rifle. The rifle wouldn’t work. They were killing our men but we couldn’t touch theirs. I ended up having hand to hand combat with the enemy. I woke up then and nearly knocked over the table.     

I had other dreams as well but I remember these two.i was up for good by 6:30. Chocolatechip called. She had a leak by her window last night. Should he will tell them Monday..We talked for a few minutes. I had my breakfast of biscuits and gravy. I fell back asleep. The aides woke me up to dress me and put me in my wheelchair 

I got my menu for the day. They are serving cream of potato soup, hot dogs and lemon iced cookies for lunch. I’m having spaghetti, roasted zucchini,a bread stick and peaches with blueberries for supper .   

1:33p.m. I went to the Fiesta Room for lunch. I ate two hotdogs and cookies. I headed on back to my room. I started to read the paper. I read a couple  articles about Kamala Harris and Trump. In one article I read where Harris is leading Trump in four key Sunbelt states. In another article Trump wants to use federal troops to quell riots and fight what he considers crime invested cities controlled by Dems.  I think this is a very bad and dangerous idea. 

I also talked with Chocolatechip. She had a bowl of chili for lunch. She said her chili ages well. It was better than yesterday. I said your chili always rocks. But she had to get back to washing dishes so we said goodbye. 

5:09p.m. I fell asleep for an hour. The aides woke me up to give me a shower. I talked with Chocolatechip afterwards. We are experiencing a bad thunderstorm . Water was leaking into her apartment. Then she informed me she is cancelling the visit on the 22nd. Bummer. Chocolatechip said Betty Jo isn’t supposed to be taking her to see me. She doesn’t want to get in trouble .I said I understood. 

Then she said if I meet anyone in the nursing home that’s ok. I said I really don’t want anyone else. I will always love you I said. She said she will try to get her oldest daughter to take her down sometime. We wondered about cab. It would probably cost a fortune I said.       

6:15p.m. We talked about the status of our relationship. Like I said I will always love her. But I understand if she ends up being with someone else. After all she is only human and it gets pretty lonesome being alone on all the time. I told her that. Chocolatechip said she isn’t looking for anyone either. So I guess we are still in a relationship. 

Then they served supper. I managed to eat the spaghetti and peaches. I’m not a fan of zucchini. The spaghetti was good but it is hard eating in bed. I’m afraid I got the sauce all over the place. Oh well. 

I also read a lot of interesting articles in The New York Times. I read about the upcoming Democratic Convention held in Chicago. It starts tonight. Then I read an article about the jabs the candidates made at each other. From what I understand both have misrepresented what the other has said. Still I like Kamala Harris better than Trump. 

I had a fairly good day. I did a lot of reading in the paper. I got a nice shower. I had three good meals. I talked with Chocolatechip . Life is good        

8:43 I have been reading A Calamity of Souls by David Baldacci. I just came across a major plot twist. Then I got to thinking about my last talk with Chocolatechip. I got very depressed . If she can’t get a gift ride with her case manager to see me then I might not see her again. I am thinking about this and it is making me very sad. She is the only one I talked too or visited me since I been in this nursing home. I would hate like hell to lose her. If that happens I might as well call it quit. I have nothing to live for.

On a lighter note I am getting good care tonight. The aide changed me around 7:30. She did a good job and put cream on my sores. I am depressed but physically I’m feeling better.      

9:56p.m. I’m feeling very depressed. I’m thinking about how I’ll probably never see Chocolatechip again. I’ll probably spend the rest of my life in this nursing home. I won’t have any visitors or anyone to talk with. I will die forgotten and alone. I guess I’m just having a massive pity party. But life sucks when your poor, old and sick. Nobody wants anything to do with you. That is a fact.      

At least I have my Kindle and my books. Books have always been my best friends. They help keep my mind occupied so I’m not dwelling on stuff that will do me no good. Besides, I get lost in a good book and forget about my problems. The characters in a good novel seem so real and they become my friends. I’m never alone because my Kindle is loaded with books. 

I had some thoughts about hurting myself earlier. They passed thank God. I read five or six chapters in A Calamity of Souls . My problems seemed very minor compared to Jerome Washington. He is Black and accused of a murder he didn’t commit. The state of Virginia is seeking the death penalty. He is all but convicted. I was reading this then forgot about my problems. Life is pretty darned good right now