Monday 9/30/24

5:01a.m.I’m mad. The aides who got me up this morning did a shitty job. Then they would not push the bedside table down. I went to the nurse’s station and complained. The nurse was very nasty. She told me to go back to my room. I get tired of being treated like shit.

Anyways I’m above the dirt. I had some nice dreams for a change. In one dream I bought a Harley. I loved it  Then in another dream my father bought me a car. Then my mother wanted to use it. She and her friend wanted to go to Pittsburgh But then the car loan fell through. I ended up having to pay my dad for the car. Dreams are so weird.

Last night was bad as well. I laid in urine and feces until 8:00. They were very short staff the aide said. She was the only one on duty she said. why do I find that hard to believe?  I told her it is humiliating to lie in your own filth. Yesterday was a very bad d as far as care went. Everyone was so bitchy.

One good thing was I did a lot of reading last night. I read  couple hours. I’m almost finished on the chapter about Vietnam. I read until nine then fell asleep.

7:37a.m. I just ate breakfast. I had French toast. It was good. The aides also fixed my table. It wasn’t broken at all. I don’t know why they couldn’t of fixed it earlier. Anyways I’m doing better thanks to a good breakfast, coffee and orange juice.

I talked with Chocolatechip. She was stressed out this morning. But we can still had a nice chat about her sister’s visit this afternoon. I tell her my troubles. She tells me about hers. Sometimes I think she has it harder. But she doesn’t have to lie in her own filth. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

I hope I can read The White House Years by Henry Kissinger. I was reading about Nixon’s attempt to deal with the Vietnam conflict. It was interesting. Kissinger was writing about how hard it was to deal with the intransigent North Vietnamese and still maintain domestic support for the war effort. Nixon’s critics were never satisfied with his efforts to get us out of that conflict with our honor intact. I love to hear all sides of the story.

10:31a.m. Boy everyone is so frigging nasty this morning. As usual I wanted to go to the coffee social. I make my way to the nurse’s station to get hooked up to my oxygen tank.  The aides snapped at me and didn’t hook the tank up right. Then the nurse snaps at me when I ask her for help. Then I get snapped at while going down the hall for not wearing socks. I’m afraid to say shit to anyone else for fear of getting tared and feathered.

It was an ordeal but I made it to the Fiesta Room for coffee. I had a good time. I read my book while I was there. I started reading reading about Kissinger’s assessment of the war protestors. That was interesting. I had two coffees while I read. Then I made my way back to my room without incident.

I called Chocolatechip. She was in a better mood. She is ready for her telemed conference with CMP and her sister’s visit. I told her about my spats with the aides and the nurse. She said everyone is stressed out these days. Still they should not take their frustrations out on their patients. She also said I should kill them with kindnesses.

Well this is Monday. I was going to show that letter from the collection agency to the lady in the business office. But I’m having second thoughts after being snapped at so many times this morning. Maybe I should just let it ride. After all the nursing home has control of my check. What could anyone else do to me?

12:22p.m. I made it back to the Fiesta Room for lunch. I stopped at the business office and showed them that letter. They said not to worry. I didn’t think I would have a problem. Then I  read The White House Years while waiting for lunch. I finished the chapter on Vietnam and started on Chapter IX. This was about problems with the rest of Asia. Kissinger says the first crisis Nixon faced was with North Korea shooting down a recon plain ying over international waters. Thirty some crewmen were killed.

I didn’t have long to wait for lunch. They served two children sandwiches and pears for dessert. The sandwiches were delicious . I saw Norman. I said Hi. He was reading a collection of Stephen King short stories Four Past Midnight. I tried to start a conversation with him but he wasn’t too interested in Henry Kissinger At least I tried to be social.

I had chocolate milk and coffee with my meal. While eating I had a major accident. But I finished my meal and drank my coffee. Then I made it back to my room. I’m soaked and desperately need my briefs changed. But I won’t get any help until the aides are finished with lunch trays.

Well Chocolatechip is out with her sister this afternoon.  I hope she has a good time. Chocolatechip said they are going to eat lunch at Bob Evans then go shopping at Walmart and Goodwill. I’m not a fan of second hand stores but I wish I could have lunch with them. I said to Chocolatechip I’ll probably never see the inside of  a restaurant again.

1:57p.m. YAY! I’m in bed and cleaned up. I was in extreme pain from a bm and urinating. The aide came to my rescue. She wasn’t very friendly but she did an excellent job. I was put in bed, undressed, washed and had my briefs changed. She even put cream on my sores. I couldn’t of asked for better care. I’m dry for now and off that damned hoyer pad. It sure feels good after sitting on it for for over nine hours. Now I can really concentrate on my book.

3:38p.m. I fell asleep. I’m just laying in bed chilling. I read some this morning . I guess I can’t read all the time. I haven’t heard from from Chocolatechip. I sincerely hope she is having a good time. I bet she will be home by 4:00.

6:22p.m.  I had the infamous ham and pinto beans with corn bread for supper. I ate the biscuits cornbread and a piece of chocolate cake. Supper sucked! Something told me to get a snack before dinner. I had a pbj sandwich so I wasn’t hungry.

Chocolatechip had a good outing with her sister. She said her lunch at Bob Evans was delicious. Then they went to Walmart.  Chocolatechip bought a winter coat. She also bought a few items at Goodwill. Her sister’s boyfriend was with them. He helped Chocolatechip unload her purchases. She said he is a very nice guy. Also her other sister ordered some groceries from Amazon. They will be delivered tomorrow.  All in all she had a great day. I was happy for her.

Right now I’m soaked. I’ve been peeing a river. I had four coffees today. I was telling Chocolatechip I got to cut down. She agreed. But then I need the caffeine to get me started in the morning. As I get older it seems I need more and more coffee. But just maybe I won’t be peeing so much if I cut. I hate to think of it because I love coffee in the morning.

I desperately need changed. But it is the same old story. The aides are taking care of dinner trays. I will have to wait for an hour before I get help. This sucks big time. It is bad enough I can’t control my bladder. It is humiliating to lay in it for hours on end. I wouldn’t wish this on my worse enemy.

But I’m still going to read tonight. I slept some this afternoon but I also read for an hour. I read almost forty pages today. I’d like to read at least two more hours before falling asleep.

7:54p.m. I am soaked. My sheets are soaked. I have been laying in urine and feces since supper which I didn’t eat. I’m very mad. The sores on my thighs were hurting like hell . I was screaming out for help. The lousy aide said she was working her way up. That was almost an hour ago. Since then the pain has died down. But I’m still very uncomfortable.

I tried to read but I just can’t do it when I’m laying in filth. All I can think about is getting some kind of help.