Monday 8/5/24

7:42a.m. I’m having a lousy fucked up morning! I woke up at 4:00. I was drenched in piss. It is going on 8:00. I’m still drenched in piss! Then my phone broke! Asshole, the male aide, did get a new phone for me. But I’m still drenched in pissed. He said he was doing something important. That is why I’ve been laying in urine going on four hours. 

What a way to wake up! What is a goddamned way for anyone to be treated. I’m drenched in feces and urine half the day if not most. This place sucks! I’ve complained and spoke out until my balls turned blue. It doesn’t do a bit of good Fuck it Fuck it and Fuck it.

9:47a.m. I’m finially in my wheelchair. I still can  understand why I had to lay in filth for five hours. What was so frigging important? It is just not right. I’m still very angry and upset. I wish I could transfer to a different facility . But all nursing homes and are the same. They all suck.

At least the food here is decent. I had French toast for breakfast. Then I get phone, Internet and cable. These are very important to me. I’m afraid if I move I will lose touch with Chocolatechip. I’d be lost without her. Then I’d lose touch with Open Diary. This is also important. So I guess this place has its advantages.

I just wish I got better care. I don’t understand why I must sit in my own filth half the night. It isn’t right. I would not wish this on my worse enemy.

12:26p.m.  _{I’m feeling better. I slept a good bit this morning. I was awakened with my mid day drinks. The coffee and juice worked wonders. I swear there is something magical about coffee. It makes me feel good all over.}  

_{I called Chocolatechip when I woke up. She is going to the bank. I was glad to hear this. Earlier Chocolatechip sounded so depressed. She hadn’t been to the bank yet. She is out of food. She said she was going to cancel a doctor’s appointment tomorrow because she wasn’t feeling well. She was so afraid of ending up in Trinity. So getting dressed and out of Misery Towers is a good thing.}  

_{I haven’t read the New York Times yet. I looked at the headlines and got depressed. Stocks are down and the economy is slowing down. This put a scare across the world. This will not help the Democrats in November. I’ll have to delve into these stories after lunch.}     

_{2:52p.m. I read a couple articles from the NYT. The paper had some very depressing news about the economy. I was already depressed so I didn’t need anything to add to my misery. In fact I’m getting mad and upset again. I need my briefs changed and  can’t get help. They did not take my lunch tray yet. Flies were buzzing around my plate. This made me even more upset.} 

_{I feel very depressed. I’m tired of fighting for basic care. I had my call light on.} Just now Asshole said “I’ll be right with you” Translated it means go fuck yourself. In the meantime I’m soaked and the hoyer pad is killing me. This hask been one miserable fucked up day. 

4:47p.m. Asshole put me in bed by 4:15. I’m still not up to par. I have been talking with Chocolatechip. She never did make it to the bank. She said she has been very depressed and overwhelmed. This has been going on for a few days. She is about ready to go to Trinity. We talked for a few minutes. Then she decided to call CMP. I’m more than scared. I’m terrified about what might happen.

Then again I feel I should be sent there myself. I feel very, very depressed. I felt like shit all day because of this fucked up nursing home. I ended up sitting in piss and urine half the day and this made me so upset. Now Chocolatechip is headed for Trinity. I feel like I failed her. I feel if I had been there for her I might of been able to help. But I’m such a no good self absorbed failure for being wrapped up in my own problems.

6:12p.m. I talked with Chocolatechip for the longest time. We talked about her current battle with depression. It is more serious than I realized.  She said she doesn’t understand her current situation Chocolatechip had never felt this way at the first. She always manages to get to the bank, pay her bills and get groceries. Chocolatechip said she just cannot function. We discussed why she can’t function.

I think the biggest reason is the Aristrada for shot. CMP up it to every three weeks. By the third week she will bottom out. This means she will start feeling very depressed, paranoid, overwhelmed and everything else. Chocolatechip said she is due for a shot Friday. She said she does not think she can wait that long.

Anyways we talked until they served supper. I had beef lasagna and strawberry ambrosia. I ate it quickly and called. No answer. I hope to God she is ok. I should of waited and talked with her more. If anything happens to her I won’t be able to live with myself.

6:46p.m. I just heard from Chocolatechip and boy was she mad. She said I called four times and woke her up. She cussed at me and hung up. I was very worried about her. I was scared she might do something to harm herself. Hell I listen to her problems all the damned time. I care very much about her. I’m not a fucking psychiatrist or therapist. What was i supposed to of done? I just wanted to know if she was still alive. I guess I found out and thank God she is alive.

8:35,p.m. I fell asleep. Aide woke me up to change my briefs. She did d a lousy job. She didn’t pull the  table within reach or provide a clean sheet. I screamed for help and got yelled at by the nurse. I haven’t heard from Chocolatechip either I guess she is mad at me too.

This had been another fucked up day. I had trouble with the staff. Now I have trouble in paradise. I just can’t win

 

 

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