Monday 8/26/24
11:31a.m. I had a terrible nightmare. I was a vampire. In my dream I lived in this castle. I was eating everyone in sight and drinking their blood . I was also waging a war People in the country I ruled over were trying to kill me. But I killed and consumed them all. I was a horrible monster.
I was up for good by 7:30. I had pancakes for breakfast. I didn’t eat them all. I just couldn’t stomach food. I went back to sleep. I slept all morning almost. Aides woke me up around 11:00. They finially dressed me and got me in my wheelchair.
I was I was dead. I still feel very weak . I’m still coughing but not as bad. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel like I’m going down the tubes and I will not get better.
12:55p.m. l managed an egg salad sandwich for lunch. They served two and potato salad. I feel somewhat better but I’m not out of the woods yet.I feel like I’m slipping. I don’t want to go because I will end up in hell. Besides I have to read all those books I have. But I’m afraid this damned cough is going to kill me. I can just feel it.
3:24p.m. I’m in bed now. I was lying in my own filth since lunch. I just didn’t care. I finially rang the call light around 3:00. I didn’t have long to wait and she was nice. The aide got me undressed, put cream on me and changed my briefs. I was nice and dry for a few minutes then I peed myself. I just cannot win.
I was trying to stay awake and listen to my audiobook Vietnam: A History by Stanley Karnow . I am enjoying that book. I remember checking it out from the library one time. I ended up liking it so well I bought it. That is one of many books I had to get rid of because of bed bugs. Now I’m enjoying the audio version.
I was very depressed a little bit ago. My mood has improved somewhat. But I still feel I don’t have much longer. I dunno why this feeling is coming over me. I’m not going to dwell on it though. After all only God knows when it is time to go. As for going to hell I God’s judgment is righteous and merciful. Long ago I accepted Christ as my savior and sought forgiveness for my sins.
5:53p.m. I’m expecting beef lasagna, tossed salad, garlic bread and caramel cake for supper. I’m not very hungry so I might pass.
6:48p.m. I ate the lasagna. It didn’t make me sick. I was listening to my audiobook Vietnam: A History by Stanley Karnow .The narrator was talking about how Kennedy slowly escalated the conflict. He also talked about how the U.S. sponsored a coup against the South Vietnamese president Ngo Dinh Diem The coup was backed by the CIA and resulted.in his assination. Good stuff to learn about.
I’m feeling a lot better mentally. I was about ready to cash it in today. But I guess if I can feed my face I am not ready to go. Well, I might be ready I just don’t want to go hungry. I dunno I guess depression was very bad today. I only hope tomorrow will be better and I can get over this damned cough.
8:31p.m. The aides came in to change my briefs. I was soaked so they came just in time. They were nice and did a good job. I was dry for a few minutes then peed myself. It never ends. I swear I hate being incontinent.
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