Monday 5/23/22

6:06am I didn’t get  to bed until after eleven last night. I was very tired but had a hard time falling a sleep. Then I had nightmares. Aide said she heard me screaming a couple of times but I don’t remember anything. I had my favorite aide this morning. She got me cleaned up and helped me into into my wheelchair by six. Despite not sleeping I am feeling ok.At least I’m still above the dirt and that what counts?

I had another depressive episode before going to bed. I started thinking negative thoughts. I thought I was going to die in this place. I thought that I will never walk again. But mostly I got so frigging lonesome.i thought I must be really pathetic because I’m rapped up in tablets and books. They are all I have and when you think about it that is a sad state of affairs. It got so bad. I had some thoughts but would never act on them. I do not want to give the bastards the satisfaction.

I called Chocolatechip. She was sleeping. This was right before they put me to bed. These feelings didn’t last after I got to bed. But they were intense. Wish I could have talked to my girlfriend. She is all I have in this world.

9:05am I read a couple articles  the war in Ukraine. There was this one Russiano   regiment very accused  of committing atrocities. I was reading about this and the progress of the war which is going on its third month. Then I read about the problem of Haiti. This was particularly long article. The author said that Haiti was the first country in the world to be freed by former slaves. Yet France was able to force the country into paying reparations to former slave owners. It was an interesting article but I fell a sleep

I had French toast, hot cereal, coffee and oj for breakfast. It was good and I ate it all. Then they took me down to get weighed. I gained half a pound. I’m up to 214.2I told the aide if like to lose thirty more pounds. She said I need to gain some weight. I think this was the first time I ever heard that from anyone. In any case no more peanut butter sandwiches at night.

I feel ok this morning. Arthritis is bothering me a little bit . Pain seems to be concentrated in my left foot. Other than that I’m ok.i feel awake and refreshed after my n ap

3:00am I struggled reading the paper today. I could hardly stay awake. I managed to read four or five articles from the front page. I read about some interesting stories. I feel kind of frustrated because I can’t remember. I was reading this one article about churches covering up sex abuse cases. Then Chocolatechip contacted me on coffee and we chatted for along time.

I got some good news to report. I got a new charger. It came this morning. Now I can play with my tablet all day. Then I got some bad news. My roommate has Covid. They moved me to an isolation room. I think it is isolated? Aides and nurses come in here with gowns on. They have the door sealed off and kp it shut. If I don’t have COVID why am I in isolation. Then I do have a roommate I don’t know.

While on the way to my new room I dropped my phone The handle broke in two pieces. I asked for a new phone. Aides said they will tell maintenance who will see what they can do. I hope I can get a new phone so I can talk with Chocolatechip. I hope I get a new phone so I can pay my bills on  the third. There is always something to worry about

I had a good lunch I had a slice of ham, sweet potatoes, broccoli and a brownie for desert. I had two coffees and two fruit punches. Lunch was pretty good and I ate it all.

8:19pm  I had  a fairly good supper. I had coleslaw and a chicken sandwich. I chatted with Chocolatechip before dinner. She was going on about this one guy named Eddie. According to people in the building Eddie is a hard core drug addict. He is supposed to be wanted by the state police. Chocolatechip sees him as a another OT outcast.She had been cooking for him. She only fixed him one meal. Anyway people have been giving her a hard time about it.

I said I felt a tad bit jealous I’m stuck in this nursing home. I miss her. She used to cook for me and Chocolatechip is one fine cook. I’ll never forget going to her apt in the morning for breakfast and coffee. We laughed and carried on like a couple of kids without a care in the world. Chocolatechip was indeed the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole stupid life. We talked about a lot of good times on Messenger. But I had to cut this conversation short because I was falling a sleep. I slept until supper.

I started to read Needful Things after supper. I put myself on a schedule. I read the paper during the day. Then I start on my book at night. I will read until I get very tired and can’t go on. Sometimes I get tired of reading. I wish I had other things such as a TV to keep me occupied. Thank God for this tablet. Right now it is the only connection I have to the outside world.

I don’t have a TV or phone. I wii see if I can speak with the social worker about getting a phone. I need a darned phone. I will pay for one myself if need be. I can take it out of my check next month Also I cannot reach the call light. I think it is behind the bed. I cannot get in touch with the aides if I need help I really feel cut off from the world

Well it is almost nine. I’ve been in this wheelchair since six. That is fifteen hours. I’d like to go to bed now but they will keep me up past eleven. I hope to God I get to bed before that but something tells me I will be up late tonight.

10:18pm.im very pissed at this point. I’ve been in this chair going on sixteen hours. I need changed and am soaked because I can’t reach the call light to get help. Alo been getting muscle spasms my foot. I do not remember taking my nightly meds. I’m a miserable old fart right now. Al I want is to get decent care and put to bed. I guess that is expecting too much.