Monday 2/21/22

2:02 I had yet another sleepless night. I think this was three nights in a row with no sleep. I finally crashed in the morning. I just could not get out of bed. I. was experiencing a lot of pain in my legs and feet but I still fell asleep. I’m ok now thanks to getting some much needed sleep.

I ate breakfast and lunch in bed. I do not like eating in bed. I spill food and drinks everywhere.  I ate half of my breakfast because I spilled it on the bed. I couldn’t drink the coffee. I managed half a cup then spilled it all over the place. I had the same problem with lunch.i didn’t touch the coffee.

Right now I feel ok. I am calm and not obsessing over anything. I feel like I’m on an even keel with no mood swings. I’m tired but functioning. I had a lot of incontinence episodes but got good care this morning. I could use a cup of coffee but I can survive until dinner. I’m truly blessed with another day.

Damned books are keeping me up at nights. I’ve been staying up late browsing for books and reading. I’m reading Workshop of Democracy by James MacGregor Burns. I read two chapters two nights ago and one chapter last night. Then I stay up thinking about what I read. I keep thinking about the books I want to buy next month. I also want to buy a tablet. I want to buy ten books but cannot afford all those books and a tablet. I guess I was obsessing over books.

Sometimes I think I’m bat shit crazy. A normal man would just let it go. But I’m not normal. I get an idea or thought in my head. I cannot put it aside. It’s like this idea or thought dominates me and takes on a life of its own. I cannot rest because of these thoughts. Books are one example. I start thinking about what I’d like to read and it takes over everything until I buy the book.

But this time is going to be different. I promised Chocolatechip no book because the rent and tablet come first. I want a new tablet as a backup. I never know when this one will break down. If that happens I would go berserk. I don’t need more books but I think a second tablet is a good investment. Being able to keep this promise is another problem that keeps me up.

I talked with Chocolatechip. She was up at three doing housework. She was going to take an early bus to WMC for a B12 shot. But she got sick She plans on taking a late afternoon bus. After that she plans on going to the bank to deposit some money. Chocolatechip seemed to be in good spirits. She said nobody knocked on her door last night. We were both glad of that.