Monday 12/19/22
6:27a.m. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I slept almost all day yesterday. Then I had an extra coffee at dinner.Aides gave me a shower last night and got me in bed early. But I couldn’t calm myself down. I listened to my book Grand Expectations by James T Patterson until eleven. Then I just laid in bed.
I had a lot of incontinence problems But I got good care though. I rang the call light and the aide came in a timely manner. But the constant peeing kept me up. Plus the arthritis was rearing it’s ugly head. It got worse towards morning. Then my roommate was yelling again. All of these factors made for a lousy night.
Like I said I had some very b ad dreams. I remember this one dream where I lived in a haunted / cursed house. I could sense something evil in this dream? Also, there were bats or black birds flying around the attic window. These birds were very scarry. There was a very evil presence in the house that was after me. This one made me wake up screaming.
I was glad when the aide came to get me out of bed. He was a bit rough but did a good job. I wad in my wheelchair by six this morning. I feel pretty good for such a lousy night. Right now I’m looking forward to my morning coffee and juice.
Once in my chair I called Chocolatechip. She was up very early today. Chocolatechip did her household chores and took her meds? She was in good spirits. She did not experience anxiety or morning bouts of the runs. She said she has her apartment ready for when the maintenance guy, Greg comes to fix the bathroom ceiling fan.
We talked for thirty minutes about different subjects. Her daughter Anne is coming down this afternoon. They are going to exchange gifts. Chocolatechip usually gets a gift card and she is hoping for one this year Chocolatechip also might be getting a good ft from her sister Cathleen and Elaine. Elaine is supposed to be coming up from Wheeling next weak and Chocolatechip is looking forward to the visit.
We ended our conversation on Messenger. She wanted to take a quick shower. Right now I’m waiting for my much needed morning coffee and juice which should be coming soon.
11:24a.m. I had a good breakfast of two eggs with cheese sandwiches, oatmeal, two cups of coffee and a glass of oj. It was pretty good. I was feeling great and all set to read the New York Times when depression I hit me hard. I felt very sad and blue, like didn’t have anything to live for the my life is good over. Also thinking about how I will be alone this Christmas. Also felt very lonesome thinking I must be a real asshole because I have no friends other than Chocolatechip. Even my own family disowned me.
These feelings hit me hard all of a sudden like. I felt overwhelmed with them and they couldn’t be shaken. I didn’t want to be shake them. I just sat in my wheelchair wishing someone would do the world a favor and shoot me. Physical and emotional pain was just too much to bare. I think I wad truly ready to end it.
I did manage to snap out of it. I went to the nurse’s station. I asked for my all time favorite junk food a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.aide also gave me a cookie. Whenever I get really depressed I eat. Food always makes me feel better. I did feel better after that sandwich.
Also guess I’m going back to occupational therapy. I talked with somebody from occupational therapy. He asked me a bunch of questions. I answered as truthfully a as possible. They are going to work on my inability to dress myself,, roll from side to side in he bed and other issues. He didn’t say when I will start. I’m kind of glad to be going back..
Also just finished doing some simple tests. He wanted to see how fast I could put pegs in round holes and take them out. Then he tested the strength of my arms.ci felt very weak and didn’t do well with this part.
It is noon time. I will be getting midday coffee and a meal soon. I’m supposed to get my all time favorite, ham and pinto beans. With that comes comes coleslaw, homemade cornbread, pan fried potatoes and a cinnamon bcake. Ham and pinto beans are not my favorite but I’ll eat them anyway I hope the food will cheer me up so I can read the paper.
10:20p.m. I started to feel better after lunch. Food makes me happier. I read a couple articles from the New York Times then fell asleep in my wheelchair. I must of slept a long time without nightmares because depression lifted when I awoke I think it waxraround 3:30 when I beg an talking to Chocolatechip.
If I remember right Chocolatechip called me Her daughter Anne came for a visit. Anne didn’t go into the building because of bed bugs. They exchanged gifts. One gift Chocolatechip got was $50. AWe talked about that and her firing the caregiver. I tried to assure her that she would not get in trouble. If anything the caregiver was a bit unethical. She would be the one getting into trouble.
We talked for a half hour. I went back to reading the paper. I read a couple articles One wad about the World Cup soccer tournament. The other was about a newly elected Congressman who lied on his officialr campaign bio. Then I talked with Chocolatechip until supper.
I had a good supper. I had chicken noodle casserole with carrots? It wad pretty good But I was lucky to get one coffee. Talked with Chocolatechip again on Messenger. We talked until she was sleepy and went to bed.
Then I had a run in with an irate aide. I had my wallet, Kindle and some papers laying on my bed. She came in to make it and was mad. My stuff was in her way? She mumbled something under her breath. I thought what bullshit? I get tired of these aides who cop an attitude
But I didn’t let this bother me. I started listening to my book Grand Expectations I listened to two chapters about the beginnings of the Cold War.p am starting to like audiobooksI had a very relaxing evening g despite the aide.