Friday 9/27/24

2:50a.m. I hate being incontinent with a passion. The aide just changed my briefs. I peed and pooped myself right after she left. She said I will be getting up by 4:45. I will have another long wait before I get help. It is so humiliating to live like this.

5:41a.m. I’m dressed and in my wheelchair. I had a very nice aides. She did a good job. But once again I peed myself when she left.  I cannot win.

I had yet another crossdresing dream last night. I was dressed as as a woman. I was in this apartment building with my girlfriend. Then I had to use the restroom. In side there was this midget dancing. He was  pretty good. I started dancing as well. I was wearing a dress. I also had on a blond wig. I started combing it Then I woke up. I don’t know why I dream this shit.

7:59a.m. I’m fully awake and functioning. I just ate a good breakfast of French toast and oatmeal. I also had my coffee and oj. This double whammy did the trick. I feel this is going to be another kick ass day.

I called Chocolatechip. We talked for a few minutes. She plans on doing two loads of laundry this morning. But her main project is cleaning the bathroom. We talked about her new cell phone. She is going to try and call Qlink sometime today to make sure her service is cancelled. Then she is expecting a package from Amazon sometime today. All in all we had a nice talk.

My briefs are on too tight. They are rubbing against my bottom. I’m in a lot of pain right now. But I can’t get help because the aides are busy ai with breakfast trays. I was telling Chocolatechip I won’t get help until after 9:00. I told her this place needs a float. In the meantime I got to sit in my wheelchair and suck it up.

9:58a.m. I’m back from the coffee social. I had a good time in the Fiesta Room. I had two cups of coffee while reading The White House Years. I am on the chapter on Vietnam. Kissinger was writing about a Communist offensive that was costing up to 400 casualties a week. North Vietnam was also launching rockets against Saigon. Nixon’s response was to bomb North Vietnamese sanctuaries in Cambodia.

I finished my coffee then made my way to my room. I called Chocolatechip and left a message She was probably doing laundry. I also  saw where they left today’s menu. I’m having three cheese pizza, tossed salad and a cup of fruit for lunch. They are serving BBQ chicken, spinach, scalloped potatoes, a biscuit and angel food cake. . Everything is good except the spinach.

12:37p.m. I read my book for awhile then went to the Fiesta Room for lunch. I had two slices  of pizza and a cup of watermelon. The pizza was delicious. I made it back to my room just in time for a major “accident.” I was going to go to an activity this afternoon but I changed mind. I need cleaned up and my briefs changed. I don’t like being around people when I smell like urine and feces.

I talked with Chocolatechip. She is going to Bible Study. We talked.for a few minutes. She was talking to her cell phone service. They were not much help today she said. I talked about eating lunch in the Fiesta Room. I sat with some people but we didn’t talk. I had my nose in that book.

I am soaked and in a considerable amount of pain. My briefs are rubbing against my balls. This has been going on all morning. But I can’t.get any help now. Once again the aides are taking care of lunch trays. I won’t get help for at least an hour. This happens all the damned time.

1:38p.m. I’m in bed. I was screaming out in pain. An aide finially came to my rescue. She got me in bed, undressed me, cleaned me and changed my briefs. But she left leaving the hoyer in the middle of my room.The bedside table was out of reach and the call light. Once again I had to scream to get help. Somebody came an hour later. I’m all squared away now. But I went through one hell of an ordeal.

3:46p.m. I have been laying in bed chilaxing. Today turned out to be a very bad day. I was all chilled out then I got a threatening letter from a collection agency. They were fairly nice. They offered to make flexible payment arrangements. But the trouble is I no longer have control of my check. My Social Security goes to the nursing home. I get a monthly allowance of $50. I have to have some money to live on.

I started to ruminate about the letter. Can they take away my $50 a month? I don’t think they can. But then these collection agencies can be ruthless and crooked.  But what else can anyone do to me? I got to have some money to live on. I decided to save the letter and show it to the business office Monday morning. In the meantime I’m not going to worry.

I was talking to Chocolatechip about this. She says they cannot touch me. I’m indigent. I was telling her I had big plans for that $50. I was going to save up until I have $200.67 available in my account. Then I was going to buy a shitload of books in January. I need books like I need air. But this dream might be out the window. It depends on what the nursing home tells me Monday.

Chocolatechip went to the Bible Study this afternoon. They read from the book of Philippians. She said she read a few verses out loud. That was cool I said. They have a Bible study group here every Tuesday night. I would love to go I said but I can’t stay in my wheelchair. Anyways Chocolatechip says she loves her group and feels comfortable there. I said that was great. We talked about other things then she had to make a phone call.

I didn’t do very much reading today. I read about ten pages at the.Coffee Social. Today turned out bad because I was in so much pain this morning. When they got around to changing my briefs I just had to chill . But I will make up for it tonight.

6:27p.m. Supper was ok. The chicken was good. The potatoes were cold but I ate them without complaint. I didn’t touch the spinach. Still it satisfied me. I’m very lucky to have three meals a day.

I talked with Chocolatechip after I ate. She was very tired. We talked a little bit about the depressing news. I said I saw the headlines were Hurricane Helene caused over twenty deaths across five states. I also mentioned that Israel struck at Beirut again killing twenty – eight. Hezbollah launched missiles at Israel. Israel strikes back. It is a never ending conflict.

Then she heard that Trump was leading 54% in the border that wasn’t good. Chocolatechip asked me what we should do about the border. I said I don’t know but I don’t believe Trump is the way to go. We both agree we need a fresh face. I think Kamala Harris is the way to go. We talked politics for about fifteen minutes then she went to bed.

I hope to have a better night. I’d like to do some serious reading in The White House Years by Henry Kissinger. I hope to get a couple hours reading done before turning in for the night. I also hope tomorrow will be a better day. Life is good.

9:48p.m. The aides changed me at 4:30. I peed a lot during supper and had a bm. So I was lying in urine and feces until 9:30. The aides kept saying they are making their rounds. Finially, I called Chocolatechip. She called the nurse. Both the nurse and the aide came to me room. The aide did a good job. She cleaned me up and changed my briefs. But I think I shouldn’t of had to lie in filth for almost five hours. Nor should Chocolatechip have to call the nursing home. There is just no excuse for this neglect.

I read my book for over an hour despite my misery. I’m on an interesting section. It is about the so called secret bombing of North Vietnamese sanctuaries in neutral Cambodia. North Vietnam was using these based to launch attacks on U.S. forces. Kissinger was saying that we were suffering up to 400-500 casualties a week. Nixon and Kissinger received a lot of criticism. They were branded “war criminals.” I found it interesting to hear their side of the story. I can understand why Nixon had to do this

It is late but I’m kind of wired. I drank a lot of coffee today. I need to try and chill again. But I’d like to pick up my book and read for awhile. The way I feel now I can stay up all night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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