Friday 8/26/27

9:52am I finished reading What Hath God Wrought :The Transformation of America 1816- 1848 by Daniel Walker Howe last. Night. .i leara lot 🛏️ a lot from this beeok even if this was the second time I read it.it is an excellent book and I think earned a Pulitzer for the author. He certainly inly deserves one  for this book. I give it a five star rating.

I fell asleep in my wheelchair when after I finished reading. The aide didn’t pay to come to put me to bed until one. I had a lot of weird dreams. I had this one dream about how WWIII started. We got in a conflict with Russia and China. At ftstvit was a conventional war but soon became nuclear. Nobody ended up winning and civilization was destroyed.

I don’t know if they is was the same dream or a different one. I was walking around what was left left of Weirton dressed as a woman. I was looking for something’s ing but was lost. I passed by this one street. Houses were on a hill. A group of kids were playing on the porch bot this one house.bthrybwerecplaying music. They saw me and started to laugh. I turned and walked down a second hort hill onto a lot dirt road that lead to a miill.

I didn’t sleep too good because of these dreams. Aides came in and I was going in my wheelchairs by five. I was still pretty sleepy. I slept for an hour then called Chocolatechip at 6:30. We talked for awhile but I wasn’t too with it was half a asleep and in a lot of pain we did talk about our respective dreams I told her about my dream of nuclear war.

It was close to breakfast so I hung up . I had two pancakes scrambled eggs, oatmeal., a cup of coffee and a glass of oj. Breakfast didn’t let me up and I have been sleeping bon and off all morning.

One more week left until August. I have I been looking at books and thinking about more books to buy. I said to myself No!bSop it! I got to think of what kind in books I want I got to keep my eyes on the prize which is to pay off my credit cards and get cought up on my rent. This I’d mt goal and I got to stick with it

11:46am I slept a good bit this morning. Then I went to a coffee social.j I had a good time despite the fact nobody spoke to me. At least I had a much needed cup of hot coffee. Later in the afternoon they will be serving popsicles but I will skip that one. I want to start reading my book Battle Cry of Freedom: The Civil War Era by James McPherson

I called Chocolatechip when I got back.  She had an outing with her new case manager. She just got back. The case manager took her to this Trip State Medical Supply store. She needed to pick up a few things. Chocolatechip said she just got back in time for her meals on wheels. Her lunch was pretty good today

I was talking about how tired I was this morning and in a lot of pain. Chocolatechip said I probably will never come back to OT. I agreed with her. I said it is very hard for me to get out of bed. I have a hard time pulling my feet over to the side. Then the aide has to pull me into a sitting position. Then they will get My walker and I will stand. Once standing I have to turn around and back into my wheelchair. I said getting out of bed is the hardest thing I have to do and I need a lot of help doing it.

We cut our conversation short. Her worker isn’t coming today. Chocolatechip wanted to get caught up on laundry or rather keep up with it. We said our goodbyes and all of a sudden I feel depressed.

I think the talk about me not going back to OT got me down. After all that place was my home for the last twenty some years  This nursing home isn’t so bad but it is not like living on your own even if all I ever dudvyeasf sit on my lazy ass is and read books? Now I’m really depressed.

3:33pm I have not been reading yet. I’m just too tired and depressed. I kept thinking about my not getting better. I’m not going to get better when all I do is sit in my wheelchair all day.  So this looks like this nursing home is my final destination. I’m only 71 and they tell me I’m not that old these days. The thought of living here another ten fifteen years is even more depressin.g

Then I feel sleep deprived. Despite sleeping most of the morning and afternoon away I feel feel more and more tired.Sleeping in my wheelchair is not the same as sleeping in a nice, comfortable bed. I do not feel as rested. But it is strange because I sleep more in my chair. Anyway, lack of sleep is another reason why I’m depressed.

I hope I can get with it after supper. I hope I can start my book Battle Cry of Freedom. But most of all I hope I can snap out of f this depressive mood.

6:20pm I just had a good supper. I had two pieces of chicken, rice, cauliflower and a dinner roll. For desert I had a blueberry bar. Only complaint was I couldn’t drink the coffee because it was too cold. I called Chocolatechip after I ate but no answer. I think she went to bed already. I wish they would put me to bed.

I tried to read before supper but was in a too depressed and foul mood. I was half asleep as well so I couldn’t concentrate. This was a very, very shitty day. I feel somewhat better since I ate but won’t be up to par until I get a good night’s rest and that is just not in the cards.

Depression caused me to crash today. I started out in a shitty mood and it stayed  with me all day. My one cure for the blueish spending money on books. But I am flat broke. I am counting the days until I get my check. Then I will buy books.  The hell with the eyes on the prize shit. I figure I will have $170 left.I will blow it on subscriptions and books. I’ll pay off my rent to the nursing home but that is about it What the hell.vi can’t take it with me.

This has been a shitty day I’m afraid tomorrow is not getting any better. I’m still not going to be able to walk. I!m still going to be peeing myself. I’m still going to be depressed.  I’m still going to be stuck in this God forsaken nursing home. Life sucks and it is definitely not better than the alternative.

7:17 pm I’ve been book browsing. Here is the list I want to buy next week:

• Robert D Richardson Emerson: The Mind on Fire.          $30.76
• David Baldacci The 6:20 Man                                                $27.98
•  Stephen King Fairly Tales.                                                     $16.99
• Eric Foner Reconstruction:America’s Unfinished               $15.99
• Lynn Cheney. James Madison:A Life Reconsidered.            $24.48
• Robert A Richardson.     William James.                                  $2.99

Ok, I better stop here. This order comed to $119.20. I also want to subscribe to the New York Times for $19.99 and audible books for $15.99 That should bring my order up ton$155.18:Then my OD I’ll never get out of debt this way.

subscription for $3.99