Friday 7/ 19 /24

10:28a.m.I had a weird dream last night. I was trapped in a religious cult. The leader had dictatorial powers over his followers They had to give him all their possessions and live in poverty while lived in wealth and splendor. The leader was also cruel and abusive. He sexually abused the women of the cult and their children. Living in that cult was pure hell.

I had had enough. I ran away was running down a country road trying to escape the compound. I was with four other boys. We had all been abused by the leader. But they were after us and I felt an overwhelming feeling of dread. I would rather be dead than go back. Fortunately the nurse woke me up at 5:30 with morning meds.

Chocolatechip called an hour later. She has a CMP appointment this morning. We talked for awhile. I spoke about my dream. She said I have a vivid imagination. Chocolatechip is also feeling better after her depressive episode. But she said they might make changes to her meds. We talked a little bit then she had to get ready for her appointment.

I fell back asleep but an aide woke me up. She said asked if I wanted to get up for breakfast I said yes. This aide was extremely nice. She put cream all over my butt and thighs. Then she changed my briefs and got me dressed I was in my wheelchair by breakfast. I had a coffee cake and scrambled eggs.

I started to read the New York Times. I read several interesting articles about last night’s Republican convention. Trump was crowned King. I also read about Joe Biden. Biden remains in self isolation because of COVID. More and more Democratic leaders are pushing for him to step down. I’ll be surprised if he is nominated at the convention.

Then I made it to the coffee social. I had a good time. I didn’t see Doug nor did I hear my name mentioned. I read the paper and had a cup of hot coffee. Then I made my way back to my room. I decided tok hell with Doug. I’m eating in the Fiesta room for lunch.

For lunch they are serving Bruschetta chicken, rice pilaf,a salad dinner roll and sliced peaches. For dinner its lemon pepper fish, broccoli florets,red bliss potatoes, a dinner roll and a lemon blueberry cake. I’m looking forward to two good meals today.

12:34p.m. I made my way to the Fiesta Room for lunch. It was pretty good and I ate it all. Doug and my roommate are sitting at the same table. They are not bothering me. Infact. I didn’t hear my name mentioned at all so no paranoia today. That is the a good thing. I’m going to head back to my room and read the paper.

3:19p.m. I’m having the best day. First my aide is very nice. She changed my briefs and put cream on my sores about tan hour ago. I was feeling pretty good and didn’t want to lie doen for the day. So she got me back in my wheelchair. Then I’ve been reading the NYT all day. I’m having a blast just reading the Times I love that paper.

I’m seriously thinking about going back to Barnes and Noble. Next month, if the nursing homes e goes Walmart shopping. I will ask them to get a hundred dollar B&N gift card. This way I can get a monthly electronic version of the Times for $19.99 a month.i think this way I can get more of my beloved NYT. I just can’t get enough of that paper.

6:26p.m. I’ve been talking with Chocolatechip a lot. She was watching The Godfather Part 2. We both saw that movie a million times. I almost know it by heart. It modern classic. I also have been looking at Nooks on the B&N sed site. The cheapest one they had was $149.99 I should have $100 available next month. I can save up for a new tablet instead of buying books. I think it will only take me three months I said tok Chocolatechip I don’t need anymore books. She agreed.

Chocolatechip is definitely on the upswing. She said she is still having problems. Chocolatechip said CMP is going to see if they can change her Aristrada shot to three every three weeks instead of four. They have noticed by the fourth week her mood has changed for the worse. The people at CMP know what they are doing, we hope.

We talked about having bipolar and major depression. I said having bipolar depression must be terrible. Chocolatechip said your can get to the point where you feel you have no earthly reason to get up in the morning. The trigger she said was starting tok think she had no purpose in life. It was all downhill after that. I said that was a smart thing you did in calling CMP .

We know each other pretty well. I can tell when Chocolatechip is having a bad day. She can tell when I’m having problems. We try to support each other when we are down. I knew something was up a few days before she went to the ER. I tried to help and felt frustrated and helpless to see her so despondent. Im just so relieved she is slowly but surely on the upswing.

I myself had a great day. I have spent over twelve hours in my wheelchair. My butt is not hurting. I’m not experiencing any pain at all.. I was able to indulge in my favorite pastime, reading the New York Times. Tonight I’m going to listen to my audiobook Vietnam: A History by Stanley Karnow. Life is good.

9:07p.m. I’ve been listening to my audiobook Vietnam: A History by Stanley Karnow I am taking a break. I’ve been at this for two hours. The narrator talked about the French involvement from 1945-1954 The was effectively ended I with the battle of Dienbienphew. He also talked about the Geneva convention. It resulted in the partition of Vietnam into the North and South. But it failed to endl the fighting. I found this to be very interesting.

I had a hard time concentrating. I’ve been through inking about that tablet I want to buy from B&N. I’m having second thoughts. I started out using a Nook. I had a bad experience with them.They kept dying on me. I kept buying them because all my books were from B&N. That one I looked at seemed pretty expensive. What if this one goes bad on me after forking out so much money? I can use the free Nook app. But then you get what you pay for.

I kept thinking about this as listened to my audiobook. I guess I was OCDing. I don’t have the money for it yet. It will be awhile before I can safe up that much. But I’m getting all worked up just thinking about it. It is crazy but that’s what its like with OCD.

I should just be thankful for what I have. I am thankful and very grateful. I have enough of the Times to read. I have hundreds of books to read. I probably never will finish all of them in this lifetime. So il got to get a grip and read what I have.

10:57p.m. I can’t sleep. My mind is going in a million different directions. I’ve been thinking about that damned tablet. This is crazy. No way in hell can I afford one. I ready don’t need one because I installed the B&N app. But I can’t get rid of a thought once it gets in my p. I’m not buying the damned tablet. I don’t need it.

Also, I was listening to my audiobook Vietnam: A History. The narrawas talking about Ngo Dinh Diem. He took over South Vietnam and eventually became its first President. This was during the 1950s. The United States backed him. We first got involved and slowly got sucked into that conflict. I got mad thinking how stupid we were back then. Even after all these years Vietnam can still bring out strong feelings in me. I don’t know why.

ugh