Friday 6/ 28/ 24

3:08p.m. I was up by 7:00 this morning. I was awakened by a a very strange dream. In this dream I was in a grocery store. I was buying groceries for Chocolatechip and her three daughters. I was at the checkout counter unloading groceries from the cart. I had a very big order. The clerk at the register was going on about how he was in the Mafia. My groceries were piling up and up The total came to over $200. I got in trouble because I didn’t have enough money.

Aides woke me up for breakfast. Breakfast was delicious. I had pancakes and sausage. Even the coffee was hot. But I was still miserable. I peed myself several times I couldn’t get help until late in the morning. Finially the aides got me changed, dressed and my wheelchair. Then Lynn from PT came for me.

I didn’t want to go but she took me to the gym. Today was a short session. We did the usual workout routine for forty minutes. Lynn said this was my last day. I was sorry to hear that. I loved going to the gym and working out.

Anyways Lynn took me to my room. I found out il had a visitor. The lady from my Eagle Manufacturing days left a big bag of goodies on my bed. Pam I talked for a few minutes. I asked her about Eagles. She said don’t get me started. She said someone else from Eagles wad here as well .I said it seems everyone I know ends up here.

We had a nice visit I thought. But when she left I’m afraid I pigged out on a box of cookies. I’m very painfully bloated. On a scale of 1-10 it is a 5. I thought I learned my lesson with the nutty bars. I guess I never will when it comes to sweets

I couldn’t eat lunch because I felt so sick. I had fish, potatoes, blended vegetables a dinner roll and a fruit cup. I was served that but couldn’t look at it. I do not think I’ll be able to eat supper.

Chocolatechip had a busy day. She went to Mary H Weir library and checked out Love Story by Eric Siegel. Then she went to Krogers on Three Springs Drive and bought some groceries. She was back home by 2:30.

5:36p.m. I’m laying in bed now sick as a dog. I just refused my supper because I fell I’m about to puke up those damned cookies. Why, why in God’s name do I do this to myself? Why do I overeat to the point of making myself sick? I had this fucking problem my whole stupid life. I just cannot stop at one cookie. I always end up eating the whole box. I’m an alcoholic only my drug of choice is food.

I had some Mylanta iwith my carafate. I hope it helps with the bloated feeling. So far it has no effect. I wish to hell I was dead! I’m very, very bloated. On a scale of 1-10 the pain level is a 6. I feel like I just ate two big Thanksgiving dinners. Why, why oh why do I do this to myself? I want to die.

Chocolatechip and I are back on Facecrap. I downloaded and installed the app this afternoon. I also installed Messenger. I liked chatting with Chocolatechip. That was fun. Now we might start chatting again.

I just finished talking with Chocolatechip on the phone. We had a nice chat. I was telling her I might give the rest of the stuff to my roommate. The thought of looking at it made me sick. Then I was talking about Pam. I said I was married to Debbie when Pam and I worked at Eagles. I was very attracted to Pam. Nothing ever happened between us and I was never out of line. But I liked her a lot. Then I said I’m not interested in her now.

I love Chocolatechip. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. I never cheated on my ex. I sure as hell won’t cheat on Chocolatechip. Nor do I want her for anyone else now. I said all of this to her when we were talking

Despite being sick Chocolatechip and I talked for half an hour. I love talking to her. She brightens my mood almost everytime we talk. My stomach actually started to feel better. Chocolatechip has some kind of magic spell over me. I guess I’m addicted to het like I am tok food