Friday 3/1/24

6:09a.m. I’m above the dirt. I had a better night without weird dreams. Still. I woke up early at 3:00. The aides got me dressed and in my wheelchair by 5:30. I must of gotten enough rest because I do not feel tired . Still I’ll probably fall asleep in my chair until breakfast.

I did a lot of reading yesterday. Last night I was awake until 9:00 reading my book Peril. I’m anxious to get it done so I can start on another Trump book Fear then Rage. Both of these are by Bob Woodward. So I will be busy reading my books and talking to Chocolatechip.

8:13a.m. I did go back to sleep. I slept for an hour. I called Chocolatechip but no answer. I went back to sleep and woke up when they served breakfast. Breakfast consisted of two sausage paddies , two slices of toast, scrambled eggs and oatmeal. It was pretty good and I ate it all.

I am having a good morning but I was worried about Chocolatechip. I couldn’t get a hold of her. I worry about living in Misery Towers bSocialy herself. Anything could happen with all the nut cases in that hellhole. But I finally talked with her after breakfast. She was ok and in good spirits. I told her I always think the worse when I don’t hear from her.

It is almost time for the Coffee Social. It starts at 9:30. I like to go down at nine. I hope to get two cups of hot coffee today. I drink way too much coffee in but I need it to get me through the day.

10:08a.m. I made it to the Coffee Social. I had two cups. But I m, ade myself miserable by looking at books. I found several I would love to read. I added them to my wish list. Hopefully, I can start buying books again this summer

Well I am, or rather the nursing home, is getting my social security check today. This means my so called debt is down to $41. I w have that sucker paid office in April. Then in May I will be getting $50 Amazon gift cards. I can’t wait because I already have shit picked out.

1:00a.m. I was having a fairly good day then depression hit me big time. What triggered this bout was thinking this how the nursing home has control of my check. I was thinking I must be a real screw up for maxing out two credit cards. To this day I don’t what got into me.. I was obsessed with fucking books , I just couldn’t get enough books. What made it wore was thinking I’m unable to buy more books.

I started thinking about when I had my own apartment. I was always on time with my rent. I always made sure Comcast was paid on time. I always made sure there was food on the table and plenty of cleaning supplies. I short I was always responsible with my check. My downfall came when I started to use ebooks and credit cards.

Credit card debt quickly got out of control. Before I realize I was in debt up to my eyeballs. Then I ended up in the nursing home. The nursing home took control of my check. I was una le to make the minimum credit card payment. I am still feeling like an incompetent screw up.

I could not stop thinking about this today. I called shelf every name in the book. This negative thinking made me so depressed. I’ll never get control of my check again I said to myself. I’m such an irresponsible asshole.

I snapped out of it by lunchtime. Food always makes me feel better when I’m depressed. Lunch was delicious. I ate two chilie dogs and orange sherbet. I also talked with Chocolatechip. She always makes me feel good. It was rough going for awhile but I’m ok.

2:27p.m. I’ll be damned. I needed changed. I turned on the call light. The aides came almost right away and put me in bed. I think this is the first time this happened to me in almost four years living here. Miracle of miracles has happened today.

6:30p.m. The day is ending on a bit of a sour note. First of all, I did a lot of reading in my book. I read from 3:00-4:00 while Chocolatechip watched Dr Phil. I called her after the show. I thought we had a nice talk for a long time. We said our goodbyes and then I started reading again. I read until they served drinks and supper which was 5:45. It took me 15 minutes on to eat. Then I called Chocolatechip around six.

The first thing she said was I’m a Donald Trump widow. She sounded slightly pissed. You could of called I said. I would gladly of talked. Chocolatechip said I knew you were reading I didn’t want to disturb you. You always come first I said. I thought we understand I would call after supper. Supper was very late I said. I apologized then she really got irate.

To make a long story short we got into a fight. I swear I don’t understand women. She complains if I call too much when she is busy or watching a movie or Dr Phil. If I don’t call she gets mad. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I just cannot win sometimes.

Secondly, I guess I did get carried away with that book this afternoon. I dunno. I read for almost a total of two hours. I didn’t think it was that bad. Now I’m beginning to have second thoughts. Maybe I am spending too much time reading. Is two hrs too much?