Friday 10/7/22

5:35am I’m awake and above the dirt. The aides put me to bed early around 8:00 last night. I stayed up tand listend to my audible  The Republic for Which it Stands. I got through Chapter 20 and the first section of Chapter 21. I fell asleep around ten.

I had a lot of nightmares. I woke up screaming a few times. Thankfully. I don’t remembe my dreams except for one. I was in an infranryg company during WWII. I was a saff sergeant. There was this oine man who didn’t conform to armydiscipline. I kept riding him. There was some kind of trouble. I had thing another soldier was murdered. This was when I woke up and couldn’t get b ack to sleep.

I was glad when the aides came around,  scrambled at five. They changed me and lifted me out of bed with a hoyer. I was in my chair by 5:20.They were nice and I got good care.

10:52am I had pancakes, scrambled eggs and oatmeal cereal for breakfast. The two cups of coffee were hot.I also had a glass of orange juice. Breakfast didn’t h wake me up. In fact I slept most of the morning only to be awakened by a doctor’s visit

It was like a video conference. She asked me a bunch of questions. I had to remember fivetcwords I only got three. I had to draw the face of a clock. I couldn’t do that either. In my defense I was still half hour asleep. I was just not up to her stupid but questions.

Aide just came in. He said he will be back in fifteen minutes to change me. I hope I will be up in time for lunch. 

12:45pm I had oven fried fish, hash browns, broccoli, au dinner roll and a piece of calee for lunch. Theeryv coffee was hot . I think I’m gonna finally awake. 

Lunch sort of cheered me up. I go very depressed this morning thanks to that doctor. I lied to her on my a few questions. Actually, I do think things are pretty hopeless. Wouldn’t anyone feel depressed on being in a nursing home and confined to a wheelchair? Then I am in more or less constant pain.  Then I get half assed care. Isn’t it any wonder I get depressed?

She was asking me all kind of questions. I felt like a retarded nut case, especially when I couldn’t draw a picture of a clock and forgot the words I was supposed to remember.I guess I just wasn’t in the mood to be analyzed today. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Then again I haven’t talked with Chocolatechip. I talked briefly with her after breakfast. Once again I called leave a message and no response. She did say something about going out for cigarettes sometime today. But that shouldn’t take all morning. I hope nothing has happened. I can’t help but think of all kinds of crazy thoughts when I don’t hear from her. 

I haven’t done any reading yet. I’m going to get back to my book The Republic for Which it is Stands. i wanted t to finish those three chapters.

3:11pm I’ve been depressedh all day. I think that session with the doctor upset me. I didn’t t do very well. I hate it when I can’t remember things. I was ivery upsetpand depressed since the session ended. 

I was too upset to concentrate on my book. I was also very, very tired. I slept most of the days y away. I could go back to bed.

7:20pm I didn’t go back to sleep. Instead I stayed up and listened to my book. I started with Ch 22″ Things fall Apart.” I took a break at supper time. I had Bruschetta chicken, rice, dinner roll, Minestrone soup and sliced ,peaches for desert. I picked up where I left off in my book and finished Chapter 22. I have the next chapter to finish and then I’ll be done.

I am in a much better mood. Listening to my book helped and eating a good meal also helped. I hope to stay up and finish the last chapter tonight. Then I will start a new book Saturday. I’ve decided to read the next book in the series Freedom from Fear: The American People in Depression and War by David M Kennedy. 

So today is ending on a good note. I had three good meals with hot coffee. I had very little pain. I worked myself out of a bad depression spell. Best part of it is I’m above the dirt.