Everybody hates (on) me
Last night I tossed and turned and had a headache through out the night. This morning I had a headache too. Work was hard today. I really don’t do much at my job but the kids are annoying at times. Andrew can’t sit still. He enters the room with so much noise…he yells and wants to be the center of attention 24/7. JC has wild eyes and does weird things to get a reaction out of me. Today he went behind my desk and started tearing down the paper and used the stapler to staple over everyone’s picture…but I gave him no reaction.
The main teacher was absent so it was just me and miss Harold today. She’s so sweet…at first I though she was weak but after just observing her today, you can tell she truly cares about the kids. They all surround her and you can tell she’s their favorite. She’s so patient and it’s so amazing to see her shine at what she does. I had the opportunity to learn a bit more about her. Shes 27 with 3 kids aged: 9 months, 4 & 5. She lives with her parents, so she does have their help. I try to be as kind to her as possible because she’s very sweet to me in return. I noticed she didn’t even take a lunch break because she didn’t want to leave me alone for too long with the kids from Dangerous Minds.
anyways, I didn’t get a callback from Vicki Boone like I wanted but I am auditioning for her again tomorrow for the same commercial, just a different part. I really wanted the film audition. Hopefully I’ll hear something tomorrow but we shall see. I wrote a passionate letter to my agent that basically said I was ready to leave the agency. It must have lit a fire under their butts because well…I have another audition already.
i can tell when someone doesn’t like me. I think they started disliking me when I appeared high on weed in my auditions. Of course they don’t know for sure…but they can probably sense when I’m high. I can’t believe I used to be like that. Nowadays, I find joy in auditioning.
im doing so well without smoking. I really do feel like I can keep this going for 6 months. I want to try and change my life around for the better. I don’t know how much I weigh but I no longer have that big belly, bloated feeling. My stomach only pokes out a tiny bit after I eat but most of the time it is flat. My lips are also getting lighter and my hair is softer.
shervy knows me so well. He’s either been reading my entries online…or senses how to treat me better. He doesn’t cut me off anymore. I think he’s reading my entries. I usually write my journal entries from my phone but today I opened the app up on my computer. I was so surprised…it shows like thirteen entries all at once, instead of just five or so when I’m on my phone.
I may have to change all my entries to friends only again. My only friend on here is Bear though. That man got enough problems…I doubt he wants to read anything I got to talk about…it’s not relatable. I think to most people I probably sound crazy…All my therapists seem to think so too.
it’s late. I’m going to go to bed now. I hope my mind doesn’t race. I hope I memorize the lines for my commercial with ease tomorrow. I hope LIFE get better…
Dear Father, please send help my way. I need help with my career. I don’t feel like writing 40 different radio stations, I don’t feel like writing labels, I don’t feel like writing talent agencies OR music managers …I don’t feel like asking anyone for help. Make them come to me Father. Let me be discovered or be at the right place at the right time. I felt it was the right timing with Jay Roewe when I initially met him, but that man just ghosted me. I pray that my dreams will come to fruition. I pray that I will have a happy life. I want a new car, a better place to live with a washer/dryer, a career I’m passion about and the kind of love that makes life so exciting. I pray for peace that surpasses all understanding. Give me wisdom and favor. Please direct my steps and grant me and my family long life and good health. In Jesus name, amen.